o teh wise one hath spokenth

Source: Stefan Sagmeister’s full list of 20 maxims

no.. i didnt write the whole thing. Ulma's original content will recommence as soon as she managed to move her ass away from her frequently recurring feelings of incompetence. The list came from Sagmeister's new book, "Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far". Stefan Sagmeister is a renowned Austrian designer.. currntly living in Bali.. (oh wow..).. uhmm.. n here goes the list (in bold), plus comments:

1. Helping other people helps me.
Helping other people helps other people. They helping me helps me. If only there was a way they help me without me helping them..hmm

2. Having guts always works out for me.
Having guts usually gives ppl bruises, bone fractures and a night in jail.

3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.
Yes. Because life will suck in the future. You moron...how could you think life will be better..stupid!
PS: And you "are"... living now, technically...

4. Organising a charity group is surprisingly easy.
But very time consuming and you dont even get to keep the money :(

5. Being not truthful always works against me.
Not really... It may work against me in the future but "I have to live now"

6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
Imagine being haunted by the things u do in the toilet...
"I knowwww what u did last night... You forcefully pushed me out....drowned me and flushed me down... but i'm BACK"

7. Assuming is stifling.
Assuming usually comes after thinking. Not thinking is worse. Assuming that I won't get hit by a meteorite and fall to the ground, got run-over by a large truck and bunnies humping my dead corpse helps me get through the day.

8. Drugs feel great in the beginning and become a drag later on.
Don't let drugs ruin your life. Just move on to stronger drugs when the current one starts to bore you.

9. Over time I get used to everything and start taking for granted.
Not true. When I was young I shitted, pissed, cried to the people who gave me life and took care of me. I stopped last year and now I am very grateful.

10. Money does not make me happy.
True the important things are to always have food, a place to sleep, taking care of your loved ones and make sure they have food and a place to sleep.
But most importantly is just to be around your loved ones with clothes on and not smell bad. Thank god these things are all FREE!! Oh wait..it's not -.-

11. My dreams have no meaning.
Correct. Dreams are not to be mistaken with visions into the near future.
That would totally freak me out. Unless yours are, but meaningless visions are just dreams without a meaning... uhh wait.. i'm confused now...

12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.
Especially if you have acute or short-term memory loss.

13. Trying to look good limits my life.
Try harder. Trying to look good got me hired at the intake, opened new doors, a better social life. it also made me satisfied with who I am so I don't get judged on my appearance but quality and knowledge.

And I got that lovely smile from the sushi waitress the other night.

14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
That's why I prefer a small Porsche over a Hummer anytime.

15. Worrying solves nothing.
Not worrying solves nothing. Worrying means you take something seriously and think of possible solutions.
Imagine you're room caught fire this instant! Worrying gets you out of the building and call the fire department. Otherwise you'll just turn your head and continue watch nip/tuck.

16. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.
I act by complaining to get what I want. Forgetting that I got robbed by a giant 2 meter felon with a handgun or hunting him down myself is just silly.

17. Everybody thinks they are right.
How silly of them...There's only one person who is.

18. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.
Huh? I don't get it.. Oh you mean like if I want to taste pizza the right way, I have to try to eat it first..

Well when you put it in food terms..

19. Low expectations are a good strategy.
Yes, the lower the better. Assuming that you go bankrupt right after you finish a project is the way to go!
Boss: Men! When we're done building this school we're surely go bankrupt and you will all get fired.

Would probably turn out to be a very solid school I think.

20. Everybody who is honest is interesting.
Thats why all boring stuffs are made by liars. Like books and movies.
Thank god we have religious people. They are forbidden to lie and have like the most fun ever... Like stoning gays, sex with little boys, beating their women or just marry a few underage ones. Great fun.


And people.. there you have it.. *drum rolls, crowd cheers, applause, roses, curtains*