the worst feeling ever

is when you hurt someone you really care, you realise you are actually also hurting yourself
and the fact that the person is hurt, hurts you also,
n then you blame yourself coz you let it happen, which makes it worse,
and it breaks the both of you.
and it hurts you so,
and then before you know it, you're swallowed by an endless spiral of hurt feelings

time will heal, they say..
time will heal..

logic drops in,
he said, "everybody is responsible for their own life"

so dont run away,
when will you stop running?

im sorry i met u, darling

cant think properly for the time being so i just post this =p post title's from last shadow puppet's meeting place
ngga.. ga maksud cheesy, but im feeling so cheesy right now.. so keju...

musings at 12

reading watchmen the graphic novel is goin to be pretty awesome. was reading its wikipedia entry the other night, to find out more about the history and such. so watchmen were actually anti-hero, they dont really have super powers, except dr. manhattan. (the blue guy on the right. yes he's nekked :p) cant wait to read it.. im gonna hv to finish one of the five books im currently reading. i think haddon's the one im finishing first.. since its not that thick. but it could also be diamond's coz im almost at the end.. cant believe i really gonna finish that thick book full of historical knowledge of human society -.-
here's the website for the movie, n here's the link to watchmen reading companion

si cemplon's post stirred something inside. but i dont know what. anyhow, its not her being introverted, it shows actually that she's an extrovert. an extrovert doesnt really bother about her inwards feelings or emotions like introvert ppl. so thats why my blogs r about feelings n thoughts n musings about whats inside my head or heart. coz thts what introvert ppl do. they like to think inwardly, and kinda forgot the sunshine and flowers outside :D and cemplon is a girl that's totally okay with herself and spend her energy more to the outside world :D

and a yoghurt thats not kept in fridge for 3 days will have a layer of transparent liquid on the top, and a thicker yoghurt xD tastes really sour n i dont think its edible :p thanks for nie n elv who forbid me from eating it.

yesterday i said to myself to try not to give up on situations n conditions. being too flexible is not always good. im always like "oooh i wonder where's life taking meeee..." im getting older so at least i hv to start having a course on my own life. im sorryyyy im just used to leave everything to the rest n not taking initiatives for my own life.

and when i realised this it might b too late? >< if im getting married doesnt that mean somebody else is going to hv the control to my life?

surprised how my brother has grown -.- was browsing his page and yeah.. :p and its only his page.. xD

travel log :p eurodisney, paris

monday nov 10th (preparation)
TG ga harus kerja today, jd bisa relaxing n siap2 buat besoknya, so i went to albert heijn bought some snacks. TK dateng around 8pm. Had dinner together with left-overs from long pura :p he tried to sleep, n i tried to be really quiet, but then around 10.30 the girls (prima n penny) came back from work. after 3 hours of laughters, fussing around with packing, picking dresses, we all went to bed. me n prima slept at etta's place while penny n tk used our beds.

tuesday nov 11th
3 hours of deep sleep n i was awaken by tk's phone call. lookd at the time n was surprised it's already 5 minutes to 5am -.- planned to wake up at 4 to take a shower n final check ups.. but yea.. abandoned shower plans, siap2.. 30 minutes later the 4 of us snuggled comfortably in tk's vw ludo.

the trip was around 5 hours, so we arrived at the hotel around 10.30. dropped the luggage, and then we're off to eurodisney!

we started from frontierland, tadinya mo naek big thunder mountain, tp lg renovasi.. so we went on to adventureland, the "Indiana jones and the temple of perils"-ride (or Indiana Jones et le Temple du PĂ©ril).. lumayan for opening act :p

habis dr situ anak2 pd laper, jd makan d "hakuna matata". i got myself le menu enfant for 6 euros n got hot dog, fries, aqua, n yoghurt drink. the others ate normal menu for 10 euros.. but with almost the same amount of food xD so guys next time when visiting eurodisney paris just get urself the children's menu :p (didnt get the surprise toy as promised by the poster though.. =[)

then tk wantd to check out the adventure isle. after running around we continued to the pirates of the Caribbean ride. TK kept saying, "ulma ure gonna love this". yg udh pernah k sini cuma tk n penny. i forgot when was the last time tk went to eurodisney but for penny it's almost 10 years ago. emm so the PotC-ride was a boat cruise basically, with puppets and scenery of pirates attacking a fortress on the side.. the only exciting thing was when this pirate doll swung from one side to another and surprised tk as it passed his head (he shouted, "uiiii.." the whole trip we're making fun of tk n his over the top reactions :p). conclusion: u can pass this ride :p

after that we went to the souvenir shop nearby coz i saw some nightmare bfore christmas stuff on the etalage (display window).. n bought a jack-beanie-key chain yg lg sale for 3 euros (yea im broke -.-).

next stop was fantasyland, penny bought this cute minnie mouse ears, i saw curious labyrinth with characters from alice but nobody else wntd to go inside so was kinda sad :'(
tk:"ulma we dont hv that much time, it took 2 hours to find the exit"

reallllyyy....? it doesnt look that complicated =/

but anyway, me penny n prima went to the mad hatter's tea party ride. me n penny's been practicing this for weeks using a round table at long pura xD

next one was... SPACE MOUNTAIN: MISSION 2!! :D ngantrinya was around 35 minutes.. was so curious coz i can hear ppl screaming inside, n tk's promotion of course. n as we got closer to the ride i had this adrenaline-rush.. excited, curious, anxious,.. all that.. me n penny started to jump around impatiently.. during the trip me n penny were like the children, being excited, did not really care where we're going.. while prima n tk were like.. two dads xD well especially in paris, both kept arguing on the map, which line to take, which direction, bla bla bla.. while me n penny just dancing skipping around in the background ^3^

so yea space mountain WAS AWESOME!! :D inside i was screaming all the time, both because of scared and excited ^3^ wooohooo! and here is where prima lost her voice xD
abis space mountain we went to star tours.. not really exciting.. well funny though. flight simulation thingy inside a passenger-shuttle in a star wars movie. dgn pilot robot yg bego haha..

n after that we went to the honey i shrunk the audience thingy. with 3d thingy. and prima penny tk shouted during the snake scene.. n when szalinski broke the neon lights..guys please.. -.-

next stop was the shops at main street USA, where we bought key chains for ppl at LP, and prima also bought some stuffs for her bro. pgn beli2 jg tp tak ada uang T_T (saving money for food n cocktail). we had dinner @Planet Hollywood in Disney Village. I had this hearty american burger and a non-alcoholic cocktail, the rest had steaks n smoothies, hot chocolate for tk.

tk looks very tired xD

back to the hotel, checked in properly (hand-over room key, uh,.. magnetic card..), changed to bathing suit n jumpd into the jacuzzi :D the receptionist told us how to work with the equipments, the heating system, so that we could adjust the temperature or work it out on ourselves whenever there's a problem.. ~.^ so we had the whole fitness area for ourselves.. yay.. (not).. we couldnt heat the sauna so after 45 minutes in the jacuzzi we just gave up n went back to the receptionist guy. when he fixed the whole thing penny n tk were already tired so they went back to the room. me n prima used the sauna for 20 minutes.. n then we're done.. sweaty and feeling really light ^^ and set to conquer paris night life!!! :D

before we left for paris i did a research :p on nice cocktail lounges, gathered them in a list n askd penny n tk to pick one (being the most chic n classy of us all :D). so they chose the bound bar. which was a good choice. it's located in george V so its in the centre. on the way there we got a nice view on the lights and grandeur of paris city scenery at night.. soooo prettyyyy... the last time i went to paris wasnt at night time so it was definitely something new for me. even penny fell under its spell :p tadinya dia yg udh males gt mo keluar :D bound bar looks very chic, and the next best thing was that it was free parking in that area from 7 pm.. yay :D musiknya jg enak. surprisingly they played indie rock stuff like modest mouse, gorillaz, padahal di depannya kesannya yg buddha-bar gt..

all 4 of us ordered long drink premium cocktails, penny had vanilla sky (with vanilla skyy vodka n rum i think) prima n tk had punch bound (with rum n amaretto), n i had last kiss (rum n peach liquor). was quite a lot xD 20cl.. but for 16 eur.. yeah.. we finished our drinks at 12.30 am, went to take pics at the blue-lit eiffel tower, n then went home.

wednesday 12th
penny woke me up two times at night coz apparently i've been invading her sleeping space (yes i kicked her and i think slap her in the face or something xD).. while tk n prima snored in unison.. lol.. this is the day where we went to paris-centre. penny craved for "special" ugg shoes.. but UNFORTUNATELY there were NO ugg stores, or stores that sell ugg boots in paris xD she saw many rip-offs but no real ugg's.. xD lol.. poor penny.
so what we did this day was.. lunching at Mc Donald's "hamburger restaurant" (even KFC was a restaurant there) me prima n tk had Le M, and .. uh wait.. i just went to the ugg website.. n there WERE ugg shoes retailer xD penny's gonna cry when she found out about this xD poor girl.. oh yea.. lunch, penny was having chicken wings n a very sweet chocolate mousse. later on she bought oreo swirl (which we dont hv anymore in holland -.-) with caramel sauce.. yumm.. btw toilets in paris are horrible -.- ppl here are so chic but soooo dirty..

uh yea, after mcdonald's we went to sephora (no we dont hv that either in holland, not fair!), n to the marvelous galeries la fayette.. full with beautiful things n so expensive xD we went to the louis vuitton store coz tk was looking for a wallet (wallets there cost 200 euro n above -.-) n guess what.. 80% ppl in there were chinese :p me n penny were outside the store looking inside through the glass window.. we felt like being in a museum n looking at population specimen or something titled "Chinese shopping at LV, Paris". Then prima told us this story about the time she went to champ elysees n some chinese person wanted to pay her to get into LV store n bought several things since the person already bought a lot of stuff and was not allowed to get in.. umm yea of course french high-end brands are cheaper here. (seperti yg dijelaskan oleh mbak2 LV who mentiond a couple of brands such as 'christian dior', she pronounced it in a french way we didnt get it after a couple of secs that it was 'christian dior' she was talking about) so those chinese bought a lot of stuff to sell it again outside.

n then we went to starbucks, where tk treated us for some coffee.. more walking2.. tk found a cheap two-suit for 80 euros, penny still didnt get her boots, but bought a pair of pastry shoes. candylicious sport shoes from mtv's angela and vanessa (NOOO CLUE WHO THEY ARE! *google* ohh.. anak2nya rev. simmons aka run dmc -.- ). me n prima tired from window shopping.. 5.30 we set to find a nice place to hv dinner. more walking2, then we found this place called 'le amazonia' yg maksudnya mo gaya amazon2 gt tapi musiknya ga matching -.-.. makananny jg standard european.. enak sih. tk had salmon salad as starter n a red tuna steak, prima had goat cheese salad, n also the steak. i ate eglefin (white fish), with rice, penny risotto with king prawns. stayed there till 7.30 aannddd.. we're off back to holland..

sampe belanda lagi jam 1 malem... annndd that concludes our trip!! :D

gile capek.. i think i workd on this post for two hours or something -.- for those of you who really2 read it from the start till the end.. i congratulate thee.. dont u hv anything better to do? :p

thank you penny for making this happen :D the whole trip was her idea n she covered my accommodation expenses ^^.. thanks tk for driving us.. thanks prima for the jokes and laughters, thank God of course for everything n for the nice weather.. despite gloomy weather forecast, tuesday we had sunshine the whole day, and as the car drove out from the parking lot, it started to rain HARD, but stopped again at night just in time for our soiree ^^

hari pahlawan =D

*ngeliat status message-nya nia*
didnt realise its today
didnt find anythin special on the news regarding this as well
thursday i saw RocknRolla n QoS.. RnR was really cool xD wanna watch em again.. downloaded their soundtrack today.
QoS is so so..
friday was work
saturday went to HAFF n saw Tale of Desperaux.. but yea it was work in progress, so we were only shown some clips from the movie n then there's two people from the studio to explain the storyline n background and answer q's from the audience. most of the ppl who came were artsy-type of ppl with asymmetric haircut, neon colors, funky clothes..
i forgot my key so i slept at elvin's place till..
jaga rumah elvin while she n andi did groceries for their dinner party.
then when they got home i left to the city, bought milk foam-maker for cappuccino. i broke one last night. felt guilty.
rencananya mo ke kota beli raincoat, cari cocktail dress, snacks for tomorrow's 5-hours trip to eurodisney.
tapi malah ngutak ngatik tumblr..
blm mandi :p
pgn makan lagi =/
n listening to the sunshine underground - the way it is

johnny quid rocks <3

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *screams hysterically but profoundly happy and excited at the same time*

quadruple post yay :p

I present to you.. *drum rolls*

The Tale of Desperaux

please please watch the trailer here
awal2nya u'd feel like its ratatouille thingy.. but but.. exactly at 00.58 .. i cant help myself not to screaaaaammmmmmm with joy ^________________^

premiere d US emg bakal masi lama, 19 December.. wouldnt get to Dutch theatre before new year i guess.. (according to IMDB it wont b released in NL before 2 april 09.. buset lama amat -.-)


Di Holland Animation Film Festival udah maenn dooongggg!! YIPPPEEEEEE *jump around like crazy* AHAHAHAHA IM SO GONNA WATCH IT!!!! LONG PURA I WANT MY DAY OFF!!! yah baru "work in progress" sih title-nya.. i dunno wot dat means.. but.. yeah.. wat de hell i still want to watch it T_T padahal udah libur 3 hari gitu minggu ini.. hihihi *sigh* oh i hope they're gonna let me take a day off.. soalnya ga maen d hari yg laen T_T

"just for a second, just try.. being brave"

(adding the tale of despereaux to wanna-c movie list together with HP, Coraline, watchmen, rocknrolla, quantum of solace - premiering at the night of nov 6th at 00.07 - n the spirit)

by the by, went to ABC today n bought a pocket-size moleskine diary+notebook 2009 for mum (i bought a large one for dad n then mum want one as well), watchmen graphic novel n ball's critical mass (elvin pointed out the author's rather ahum.. unique last name.. i didnt even notice.. oh elvin u dirty dirty girl.. :p)

beli watchmen soalnya kan entar mo nonton filmnya, so why not read the novel first.. and the critical mass book? well i was browsing the social science section n thinking of buying one.. n then i just started to browse in author's alphabetical order.. saw the book, read the description.. dan sepertinya cool.. applying physics, mathematical science to social behaviour n politics. my head's so empty these days i need knowledge replenishment :p

tadinya sih di tangan jg udh bawa Q magazine edisi December 08, Transformers Evolution (lg on sale), n Aravind Adiga's White Tiger.. tp it will certainly blow off my budget (padahal k sana jg impulsif gt..). ya udah akhirnya i bode farewell to transformers, the magazine, n the white tiger..

dannn besok siang mo liat rocknrolla sama mba prima ^^

oh n happy burthday jonny g ^^

RIP Michael Crichton

He's my hero that introduced me to sci-fi and dinosaurs via jurassic park T_T (love both the movie n the novel, the novel more)
im sorry i said bad things about u n "state of fear"
thx for ER, andromeda strain, sphere, timeline n all of ur work..
i didnt even know u had cancer T_T

Michael Crichton, the million-selling author who made scientific research terrifying and irresistible in such thrillers as "Jurassic Park," "Timeline" and "The Andromeda Strain," has died of cancer, his family said. Crichton died Tuesday in Los Angeles at age 66 after privately battling cancer.

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comply with the masses

to follow the spirit of the rest of the world.. congrats obama..
n the media will talk about you for daaayyssss
lets see some changes that you promised. oh yeah, you are one already: the first african-american president
small obama image
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strange night..

it was after midnight, i was alone in my room, prima's gone to rotterdam to visit mr. boyfriend.
i didnt have anything to do.. so this is what i did:
  • txtd my bf that i secretly like another guy
  • txtd the other guy (who's currently w/ his gf) that i love him n im sorry but im staying away from his life
  • txtd my ex n told him that the real reason we broke up was not bcoz i was in love with another guy but i just realised that i didnt love him that much

    and the result waasss total revelation :D i feel strangely relieved..
    myb bcoz today's election day
    myb bcoz today's my dad's birthday
    myb bcoz today's my ex's dad's birthday
    myb bcoz its our 3 months anniversary
    myb bcoz its waxing crescent n 39% of full o_O
    myb bcoz after 46 pages of mark haddon's the curious incident of the dog in the night time i seriously think that its not as good as they say. n myb im the only one saying this but i wasnt "moved" or intrigued to read the rest of the book.
  • one of the things that help me get through the day

    my bro is so cool n hv a funny way when it comes to expressing his feelings qua words

    i miss my family..

    and btw, speaking of schmancy labels - I have to admit it is one scary terms to say! why is it one scary terms to say? because it is one scary terms to say - what on earth does schmancy mean neway :D? sort of berbau a scheme? like conspiracy? Ooh cool cuz I love the word - we are indeed living in one big conspiracy!

    Happy Burpday, Daaaaad *yaay yeepee make a wish blow the candle then burp berjamaah dalam nada c mayor 3/4*!

    Mudah2an Ayah semakin menjadi figur ayah yang kian dicintai diridhai dikaruniai disayangi dan beragam kata positip di-berakhiran-i lg oleh Allah SWT dan keluarga tercinta yang cantik2 dan cakep2 nan pintar2 nan jelita nan belia, terutama yg cowok yg paling gede itu tuh yang ganteng abis trus pake kacamata trus banyak yg bilang kayak Afgan getohchkhuekhuekcuh *sigh* Gosh I'm so definitely gonna kill that impostor >:(

    kiss kiss hug hug kiss kiss group hug fall asleep drool