"kalo ngomong sama ulma tu direct, jgn muter kemana2"

coz my head's too soft ;p
smpe sama manager wau dikasih nama "Lathif" which means subtle/soft.. soft on the head -.-

i cant take hints :D

(tp gitu ngakunya deep person -.-)

lho iya sih, sometimes i like to think n consider stuff kebanyakan

trus jadiny neglect other stuffs yg harusnya dipikirin jg :D

suka nyeplos :p

"anak ini sadis", kata kemal

boyfriend: "emang kmu peduli klo anak itu ngejauhin kmu?"
me: "engga juga sih"
boyfriend: "terus?"
me: "i just dont want to make a normal-relationship becomes distant"


im not like that to everybody

i saw this friend of friend of mine this evening
dan nyadar klo aku pake kaos yg sama yg ak pke skrg, sm wkt ketemu dia (setahun yg lalu?), well kaos, jaket, dan jeans :D

pgn gt kadang2 mengubah penampilan :p
oh vina ure such an inspiration
duluuu kita bedua sama2 setia dgn jeans n t-shirt
skrg vina udh pke daster/dress lucu2.. dah dandan.. punya boot lucu
me still in jeans n t-shirt :p
kayaknya aku pernah ngepost kyk gini juga yak
its just
aku tu takut klo misalnya fokus ke appearance, aku lupa sama "inner-self" yg mesti dibagusin juga
do i sense hypocrisy here?
tp kata org, klo too much focusing on deficiencies, ga maju2
(kata org2 jg spertinya sy sperti itu, selalu ngeliat apa yg kurang dr diri sendiri, which reminds me of elv's post recently)
for me its hard to be positive, be nice, for myself
klo buat org laen, oh its so easy, its already like my nature
to be nice to other ppl
coba disuruh nice k diri sndiri
oh no no no

Tuesday Night Round-up

kenyanggg!!! :D
makan menggila :p
havent done that since.. erm since the 1st year here..
lasagna, kolak, rendang, ayam panggang, uhm sayur2an kukus, green curry soup, ager2, aa... masuk semua... (exc. bakso sih, huhuh maap2 sy not too interested in bakso)

tp paling sebelnya makan gila kyk gtu.. bsok pagi, pasti udh laper lg -.-
kayaknya makan banyak ga ngejamin klo ulma will not b hungry for 12 hours :p

salut for kemie.. ayam panggangnya enak :D terang aja, dibuat dgn at least 9 macam bumbu.. cool cool..

put too much expectation for my rendang :p hasilnya tak bgitu memuaskan -.- huks..
masi ada rendang ni.. ada yg mau? :D

maybe could be possibly

maybe everything that i said was just a lie
something that is only for the human eye
i in fact have become a pry
for innocent, sensitive self thoughts and apple pie

it could be that you're living in vain
or its me who could not gain
the real meaning of beauty through pain

possibly these days are merry days
full of laughters and cheerful gays
for an insolent person like I
this holiday will only be a sight for sore eyes
meaning more or less
have a happy holiday, you cowering jays

you will not like this

i love you and i miss you always
i know that i have to trust you more
and trust myself more..make myself to want to trust myself
and for myself to be trusted by myself..to make myself be trusted by none other than myself

i love you
please know that i love you
if everything in this life happened
please know that i always love you

love come and go
love scream and went away
but you own my heart my mind and my soul

God if i'm not like this
i will be arrogant
if not
i will loose You

do I have to choose?
i hate to choose
You know i can never choose T_T

God help T_T

the worry-wart speaketh

i wont complain about the dirt on my shoe
wont whine if i cant buy a new coat
i cant decide on which road i want to go
i always hesitate
too much thinking
so many people today
so lonely inside
seeing you through a thick glassed wall
sitting in the dark
my messy room
time either stops
or crawls slowly
i have a lump on my throat
if i could arrange pretty words to make up a beautiful sentence
if i could be so light-hearted so light my scars will fade
if i could find clarity again
if i could go somewhere tranquil
if i try and be persistent to keep things pure
i am not without evil thoughts and selfish needs
if only i could tie my thoughts down
and not let it flutters away without any purpose
the devil the devil in me is dancing
now im older i think i start to know what they're after
and i wonder, now that i know
will it change?
will it wear a sheep's clothing and transform itself into something else?

why do i worry about these things while others doesnt?
i sounded like those religious/philosophical people (or not)
i worry too much
and done nothing

i am too difficult maybe
too difficult to understand
have i told you enough to make you think that i should stop talking?
has it come to your mind that my thoughts are jumbled lines?


(Koran said that every human is a 'khalifah' - leaders in life)

to the point

AlterNet: 'Christian' Game Leaves Behind A Pile of Corpses

This story has been forwarded to you from
http://www.alternet.org by u.haryanto@musicmayday.org


'Christian' Game Leaves Behind A Pile of Corpses

The Left Behind video game encourages you to celebrate the birth of Jesus by wasting dozens of people at a time, using a variety of Christ-sanctioned weapons.

once upon a time..

there lived two young maiden
neah thats from my old aurelvin and cinderulm chronicle-tale-whatever

my organisation seriously need to put more tasks on my job description -.-
skrg saya nganggur
ga jg sih
im gonna edit some proposals. with this NGO everything's about projects, projects and more projects.. but izzoke, coz thats where they got money from.
update some archives..

tomorrows gonna be my supervisor's last day.
and me, yinske (a volunteer for dance4life) and annelies (supervisor #2) are gonna have tea/coffee together in the afternoon.

my bf just got some feedbacks from his thesis-tutor. GOOD LUCCKK!!!

from around the web:
the Future Film Festival 2007, Bologna

Virgin Mary-Komodo: at a zoo in UK ada komodo yg bertelur without any ehm copulation with the male species

just had a meeting with MM-NL
they found me some tasks ^^ yippee
so now i am gonna do some research for the country pavillion activity, make proposal (again)
and start to think of what stuffs we would like to have

probably will b working for them as well in January.

ah lets see lets see..

can anybody find mee....

...somebody to love? :D

today is a cold day -.-
tp td pagi si carrot guy datang dan memberikan tart. awalnya aku disuruh milih, mo tart peach ato apel karamel, i answered, "can i have both?" *grin

and so he did give me both
yay ^^
akhir2 ini mood carrot guy bagus. gara2 ultah kali ya.

semalem wktu aku balik lagi k kantor, ternyata kan si anjing besar (kantor saya bekas sekolah tua, some part of the building is residential, some for offices) dilepas (anjing besar hitam dgn bulut lebat kepunyaan the family who lives at that residential part of this old building complex). trus dia tu yg lngsung lari2 menggonggong mendekat -.-
trus udh gtu ga lama kmudian carrot guy keluar dr bangunan, dan lngsung si anjing gonggong2 nyamperin dia

terus majikannya manggil si anjing
anjing pun berlalu

trus willem was nice, he talked to me for a while (biasane lek ketemu cuma say one / two word seadanya). becanda2 dikit. trus pergi. sy balik k kantor, dia pulang.

nuttin much happened today
except for the tart ^^ ENAK ASLI
dan itu tu kali fresh-baked soalnya pie-crustnya bener2 crunchy ^^ mmm yummmm!!!

no really interesting news except the 10 deaths in Pekalongan (eh iya ga ya) karena... konser UNGU -.-
omG puhliz.. i hope its not a new sick trend there

selesai mengedit proposal music mayday eritrea
dan skrg try to come up with a b-connected meeting plan buat.. taon depan -.-
klo jadi bakal diadain di Ethiopia or Tanzania
semoga oh semoga..
10.21 am
Willem (carrot guy yg bassist-jazz dr utrecht) dateng k bawah (kantor MM-NL di atas) nyari kopi
mata kedutan --> kelopak mata kiri yg bawah kedutan mulu dari sabtu (pa jumat ya)

oh GOd ngantuk -.-

i need coffee

td dateng2 ngeteh sih
tp ga ngepek :P
coffeeeeee me wanna

3.07 pm
ngantuk menyerang >.<
time for my erm 3rd cuppa coffee

i feel bad because today my boyfriend was having an exam and i couldnt even call to cheer and support him :(

i wish he knew that i'd prayed for him

*mata berkaca2*

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

I stepped out of the building and saw at a distance the bulk of mist formed
after a cold night (Brr..*i made sure that my jacket is wrapping me tightly)

The cold touches its chilly hands upon my nose.. "Good morning", it said.
And then slowly it crept inside my jeans, but only up to the knee. Since I'm
wearing a rather long coat, my upper-leg can still be warm.

Transferred for tram 5 at VU. Sat next to a large girl with a "hospital"

Last night I went to Isrina's place. It was her birthday the day before. She
cooked delicious sea food meals *yummy*. (squid, n shrimps n oysters =D~)

I was supposed to work at the restaurant on that day. But... after thorough
consideration (cieh), i've had enough of myself who always think of money
money money and how could i earn as much as i can.

True I still need money, and by not working at that day means I lost the
opportunity of having at least additional 30 euros. But yea... I felt like
"I've had enough of that excuse"

Not going with my best friend because of work
Could not attend my good friend's birthday because of work


I still need money
But after a while i realized that "money cant buy happiness" :D
opo seh
no.. my point is
There ARE people that i'd really treasure (yez surprise, surprise.. this
Ulma who thought she's so cool and independent and does not need anybody
else :p) and it's just the right thing to sacrifice my 'monetary needs' for

So im glad that i could say "no" to make more money n prefer spending
quality time with my good friends instead :D

Worth memorizing conversation for today:

<:3)~* zegt:
kayaknya gw emg ada tampang boook keeper ya
elvin zegt:
ada ada
elvin zegt:
*icon smiley*
elvin zegt:
kacamata + tampang cupu + ngefans sama ari wibowo

ada satu lagi sih, tp since its about other ppl so.. wont include it here :D

Other cool stuff that i discovered today:

TOP 10 DANGEROUS TOYS (incl. sky dancers xD u know, those stupid flying
twirling fairies)

COOL MOUSE-BOT :D http://www.nextnature.net/research/?p=816

My best friend recently got hooked up with heeled shoes. Apparently it's not
only her that can wear such things ;)

blognya teman kerja:

yang pacarnya aktris ZOOP! (sinetron anak2 d sini yg isinya ttg safari n adventures). pacarnya temen gw kerja ini jd "favorite actress" d sinetron itu. bahkan dia dijadiin wax figure d madam tussaud :p
this is her blog

and this is their blog


apa yang saya lakukan hari jumat 15 desember 2006

not much :P

dateng k kantor, 10 past 2 minutes.
bikin kopi (4 spoon of perla oke gold coffee --> max havelaar certified + 1 spoon of ethiopian coffee --> music mayday approved :p)
ngecek email, ada email dr leanne-manager music mayday d tanzania, nanya soal prince claus fund.
called mrs. chavrot (french lady, that explains the name n the accent) from pcf
answered leanne's email
read more emails
deleted stuffs
put some in blocked sender list
buka vh1.com/radio unforgettable station (lagu2 klasik american pop, ray charles, frank sinatra, nancy wilson dkk.)
liat baju2 this designer called 'charles chang lima'
baca blog adik saya yg kok keren sekali sih kmu dik!
left comments at some blogs
said hi to abel
chat ma elv
called mr bf
ngutak ngatik google calendar, trus bikin kalender khusus buat resto biar ga bingung soal jadwal kerja anak2 :p
poured my 2nd cup of coffee
paused radio, changed to foobar, nyetel misty-julie london :p

ku berkabutttt
tak berdaya seperti kucing di atas pohooon (here i go again)
dan ku merasa seperti bergelantung pada awan
ku tak mengerti
aku berkabut setiap kali memegang tanganmu
berjalanlah ke arahku
dan beribu biola pun bersuara
atau mungkinkah itu ucapan "hallo" darimu
musik yang terdengar itu
ku berkabut, di saat kau dekat
tak dapatkah kau lihat, kau membawaku?
dan itulah hal yang kuinginkan
tak sadarkah kau bahwa aku tersesat?
karena itulah ku mengikutimu
ketika aku menelusuri dunia khayal ini sendiri
tak bisa bedakan kaki kanan dgn yg kiri
topi dgn sarung tanganku
ku terlalu berkabut, dan terlalu jatuh cinta.. :P

la di da

A story of a friend

Helped me remember

That the world is cruel

No, not the world


People can be cruel

(and stupid, kata bokap)



If you don’t have something strong to hold you

If you don’t have that big rock to hold on to

You got carried away

Stumble and fall


Hurt yourself badly





May God help us and will not let us astray (too far)

Just make sure we can find our way back




*atur napas*

*atur napas*


knp menggalakkan penggunaan kondom untuk mencegah AIDS kurang efektif d india

cara pencegahan AIDS d Afrika yg might b highly effective

test your movie buff skills

soundtrack of the day:
you and i both - jason mraz
ini jaman2nya magang d tembagapura.. ma lina.. hiks hiks.. probably wont ever gonna go back there again :(

mari di translate ala everly sisters :D

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me - apakah itu kamu yang mengatakan kata2 bahwa hal2 bisa terjadi tapi tidak pada ku

Oh things are gonna happen naturally - oh hal2 bisa terjadi tentu saja

Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side - oh mengikuti nasihatmu, aku melihat sisi positif

And balancing the whole thing - dan menimbang semuanya

But often times those words get tangled up in lines - tapi seringkali kata2 itu terjerat larik larik

And the bright lights turn to night - dan sinar yang benderang berubah jadi malam

Until the dawn it brings - sampai fajar membawa

Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me - hari lain untuk menyanyikan keajaiban yang kamu dan aku

Cause you and I both loved - karena kamu dan aku sama2 pernah menyukai

What you and I spoke of - yang kamu dan aku pernah bicarakan

And others just read of - yang lain lain hanya pernah membaca

Others only read of the love, the love that I love. - yang lain hanya pernah membaca cinta, cinta yang aku cinta

See I'm all about them words - jadi aku hanya tetang kata-kata itu

Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words - tentang angka, kata2 berangka tanpa beban

Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards - Beratus halaman2, halaman2, halaman2 berikutnya

More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive - Lebih banyak kata2 dari yang pernah aku dengar dan aku merasa sangat hidup

You and I, you and I - kamu dan aku, kamu dan aku

Not so little you and I anymore - tidak terlalu sekecil kamu dan aku lagi

And with this silence brings a moral story - dan dengan keheningan ini membawa sebuah kisah moral

More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy - evolusi yang lebih penting lagi adalah kemenangan seorang anak laki lagi

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of

And if you could see me now - dan jka kamu melihatku sekarang

Well I'm almost finally out of - yah, aku hampir kehabisan

I'm finally out of - aku akhirnya kehabisan

Finally deedeedeedee - akhirnya deeddee xD

Well I'm almost finally, finally - yah aku hampir akhirnya, akhirnya

Well I'm free, oh, I'm free - yah aku bebas, oh, aku bebas

And it's okay if you have go away - dan tak apa bila kamu harus pergi

Oh just remember the telephone works both ways - oh tapi ingatlah bahwa telepon itu bekerja dua arah

And if I never ever hear them ring - dan jika aku tak pernah mendengarnya berdering

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside - jika tak ada lain aku akan berpikir bel2 di dalamnya

Have finally found you someone else and that's okay - telah menemukan seseorang lain untukmu dan itu tak apa

Cause I'll remember everything you sang - Karna aku akan mengingat semua yang telah kau nyanyikan

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede

well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.- yah aku hampir akhirnya, akhirnya, akhirnya kehabisan kata2

dear diary,

dear diary,
i dont feel good today
i dont feel great
i feel sad and pathetic
i want to find a hole, crawl inside and die
15th is 10
blm sreg katanya
trus what should i do?
that fear comes again

little by little

i hope everything will be okay
im still trying to walk again
after crawling for a long time
be careful
thanks to God, to him, and her :)

what's hot on PPI Amsterdam mailing-list :p

1. Poligami (or is it poligamy? polygami?)
Berawal dr posting kontroversial Amin mengenai "Tips Poligamy dr Aa Gym", yang mengundang bbrp komen (most of them r opposing Amin). But this guy (Amin) always start the controversy. His posts always lead to heated discussions, but nice though :D
i never thought that Indonesian students can be so opinionated and critical :)

2. Rencana Kunjungan DPRD Riau ke Belanda
Berawal dr kunjungan DPR ke Eropa beberapa minggu lalu. No comments here.

3. Saran beli laptop
no comment

4. Form Pemilu Ketua PPI-A 2007
from outside sources: mas Wiby dan Nefry akan mencalonkan diri

ulma --> kinda want this guy to try the position
and elect myself jd dewan pengawas :D :p
or my hubby, heheh

sore ini langit di amsterdam berwarna kuning :)
after the rain n thunder
...the aliens r coming!! ... ;P
besok beni pulang :(

ulma's song of the day (thx Vin)
ada hubungannya sama the hottest topic on PPI-A'dam mailing-list. Coz the song was an original soundtrack from 'Berbagi Suami', translated in English: Husband-Sharing :P

zudulnya "Pergi tanpa Pesan" (Gone without a Message -huh?) yg nyanyi Sore:

Mencari intan pujaan - Looking for my adored diamond
Aduhai, dimana puan - Alas, where is woman
Mengapa pergi tanpa pamitan - Why gone without saying anything

Lembah ku turuni - I'll go down the valley
Bukit yang tinggi ku daki - Climb the highest hill
Aduhai, tak kunjung jumpa - Alas, I don't see you
Mengapa hilang tak tentu rimba - Why disappear into thin air

Laut hempaskanku padanya - Sea, bring me to her
Bintang tunjukkan arah - Stars, show me the way
Ooh angin bisikkanlah mana dia - Ooh wind, whisper to me where she's at

Hati cemas bimbang harapan timbul tenggelam - My heart is uneasy and worried, hopes rise and fall
Aduhai, permata hati - alas, the jewel of my heart
Mungkinkah kelak berjumpa lagi - will i ever see you again

translation by everly sisters' member
ini akibat dr nyanyi2 lagu inggris sama elvin trus diterjemahin k bahasa indo (dgn hillarious effect), dan now im doing the other way around (dan tak kalah anehnya :D)
hasil shooting sehari :p

i dont really like the clip
awalnya keren sih
trs pas bagian "nyanyi soul" juga bagus
tp yg lain kadang agak2 ga sinkron -.-
dan knp pula mrk ngambil bagian yg itu wktu scene saya? -.-
wktu kacamata sy melorot

kurang lively juga
backgroudnya item sih.. jadi kesannya gloomy
dan scene2 yg dipilih bbrp sebenernya ga gtu berhubungan sama MM values (those words yg muncul d tngah2 clip)

dan whats with the "LOW AND MEDIUM economic?" yaiy :-s
emg bener kita ngebantu org2 itu.. tp apa ga ada cara yg lebih subtle nyebutinnya?

i really look small between those ppl there :p

monday is meeting day

every monday selalu ada meeting "team" setiap jam 11.30 to 12.30. ga selalu on time selesai 12.30 sometimes longer, but never shorter :p
buat chairperson dan minute-takernya juga digilir.dan this week i was the chairperson :P

so monday becomes "the day" when everybody reports on what they've been doing, recent news and gossips, when we realize that theres soooo many things to do. the day when we set up new tasks and action points :p

dan today emg feels like one of those mondays. cuma kerasa lbih tighter karena udh masuk desember, bentar lagi org2 gone for vacation, so some stuffs need to be cleared, tasks need to be done.

belum lg nasib kantor gw (TMMF-nya) yg sedang tak menentu :p

mrk (para management team) assure us (para internee) klo buat kita, kontrak bakal berjalan sprti biasa. cuma yg jelas pihak management bakalan dirombak. yikes.

some ppl might not be here, some ppl might.. double yikes.

so i still have the interconnectivity guide for dummies on my to-do list. hari ini juga meeting ma mr. communication and campaign coordinator buat ngebahas details. trus meeting ma bu supervisor #2 (yg bakal jd #1.. yg bakal jd #0 .. klo by the end of Jan 07 the Board of Directors say bye bye to her), ngebicarain jam kerja saya :p
coz couple of weeks ago i've been working 2 full-time jobs :P
one here one @the restaurant(s) --> the beloved tanjung sari n wau
wlo i decided to quit one of them, they think its still do me good if i work not 40 hours a week.
jadilah: 36 hours
so monday i can start later (11 am) coz they know sunday i will b @ work
n thu/fri i can leave earlier (3.30 pm) depends on which day i would work @the restaurant :P

next thing is my currently-supervisor-#1's farewell party.
She's going to leave the office @22nd. dan karena perbedaan jadwal&agenda, jadinya pestanya baru bisa diadain mid-jan 07.

So either @ the 11th or 19th
me (again) jd party committee heheh
i dont have the look or the attitude at all to be a party person tp apparently here they ask me most of the time (baru dua kali sih :p .. out of two parties yg diadain so far) -.-
or myb its bcoz theres nobody else here to do it :p
"oh yeah, just ask the internee to do it"
pestanya bakal diadain d kntor aja, ntar org2 bawa minum/makanan sndiri(kinda potluck)
tp bukan makanan berat2.. 'borrel'-style (snacks, crackers, cheese, canape food)

umm trus entar sore ada acara 'arisan hollendrecht' :p hehe
nice nice
well i should leave in like 4 minutes
diadain d tmpatnya mba dita.

kay..dats all i guess.
gonna write some more for the guideline n then im off!
Dear God,

It's been a long time since I thank You for anything.
So here goes..
I thank You for the condition that i am now in:
- my supportive family
- friends that are always ready to lift my spirit up
- amazing people to look up to and to learn "life" from
- un-complain-able health condition
- situations and events that make me remember that there is still the Entity that is stronger than anything
- still could have a PC to bear with the lonely nights :p
- still breathing, living despite those many times that I wish for everyhthing to end

Altho I still feel like a crouching mouse on the corner. Peeking outside from my tiny mouse hole and trying to comprehend that big big thing called the world and the hustle and bustle of the creatures living on it.

i always feel like a small kid

a grim small girl

dont know when's the right time to get out of my mouse hole and explore, do something, make traces of my mousy-existence!

yeah right
but that have to wait
or might never come
me n my tiny ambition
me n my dreamless life
me n my ever-extinguished motivation
too many promises that i cant fulfil
im waiting for my world to crumble

4 days to mum's birthday