'So, how is it like being a mother?'

Hmm..

Despite the occasional post-natal blues, the feeling that I'm physically stuck and professionally doomed, the realization that none of my old clothes fits except for some over-sized pajamas and nighties...and, you DON'T want to see what's underneath it, ...it's great thanks :)

(Words in italics means I only said them inside my head :p)

Now i understand why some new mothers obsessively taking pictures of their babies, because it's the only thing in their world that seems right *sigh*

Anti-corruption ramblings

Being a KPK/legal reporter comes with its own ups and downs. The up-side, I am on the front line of national-scale scandals such as Democrat party dirts incl SEA Games graft, travel check hearings that involved senior national bank official and a missing businesswoman, and what I think also important is the KPK leaders selection committee.

So far I also like my fellow reporters here, most of them are sharp and share an idealism that they are on KPK's side on the fight against corruption.

The down-side, I miss making stories on people, on communities. It's really tiring, dealing with thick-skinned corrupt politicians and lawmakers who siphoned millions of Rupiah from the state budget and use it like it was theirs.

I also miss writing stories that are my own. Here reporters write the same stories, though in different angles. When I was covering for the city I work at my own pace covering stories on my own (or my editor's) decision.

But yeah, I guess it's never wrong to learn new stuffs. It's also a good experience for me to cover the KPK, our antigraft superbody and learn about the important yet heavy task they have.

It is worrisome that even more than a decade after reform, our politicians and civil servants does not seem to change.

KPK's current leadership is going to end in December, and the selection committee, even though they did a good job by selecting Busyro to head the KPK, there is a lot of reason to be wary of the process.

As with SBY, good thing doesnt come twice. He might be applauded during his first term but man, his second term sucked bad. And with the highly political cases KPK is now dealing, there will be those who are trying to weaken KPK from the inside.

The committee had to come up with at least 8 names for the new leader. KPK leaders consist of 1 chairman and 4 deputy chairmen, the rule is that in the end the House will choose from 2 names for each position. a case is on going at the Constitutional Court whether Busyro can stay for another 3 years or not..

I wonder who are going to try the candidacy, or if the selection committee would come up with names with superhuman integrity, and the smarts, to tackle with this country's rampant corruption.

i write like...

I used several paragraphs from my last article, unedited version, and this is what i got.. dang xD

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

mmm..not quite happy but okay :p

Blur : Midlife

days so long, when you're young

i can really listen to Harriet Wheeler's sweet voice any time of the day <3

Town lights shining,
this is the place for me now.
Blurred - loving every word.
This hill, yourself, and I.

(The Sundays - Gone)

Before I really forgot to mention it here..

Please enjoy Found songs:
Erla's Waltz | Raein | Romance | Allt var hljott | Lost Song | Faun | Ljosid

Thanks so much, the shelf.

‘Found Songs’

Day I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII

this is what a friend told me when i told him about my 'problems':

11:43:29 AM:
whoa.... you should go home and get married

tsk.. tsk.. tsk..

Portishead - Glory Box

I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I've been a temptress too long..

iseng

i posted a reply on a facebook status this morning.. its really silly.. :p something i did when i just woke up, a bit dazed, n found a rhyming competition.. (ok it wasnt but felt like that to me.. lol)

Ulma Nurriva Haryanto op 16 mei om 9:01
sparrow and crow
both dont know
sticky marshmallow will clamp their maw
they fly too low
became too slow
poor bird can't eat no more
no shallow thats too narrow
nothing hollow to follow
for them there's no tomorrow
birds should not eat marshmallow
but how could they know
nature's stone's throw
when their fore
slashed open by the king's arrow

morale: the king likes to shoot birds when he has nothing to do. if you're a bird dont eat marshmallow.

and the previous lines goes like this (othr names r hidden to protect their privacy :p)

I: am i too shallow to swallow?

Gisteren om 3:41

Ulma Nurriva Haryanto op 15 mei om 11:39
only when you follow the hollow..

D: om 1:48 op 16 mei via Facebook Mobile
maybe u need marshmallow

lick them, chew it slow

but don't just swallow

so you'll forget all the sorrow

n see a better light tomorrow

that the world is not that narrow

(from a friend's note)

I om 3:38 op 16 mei via Facebook Mobile
would she be a sparrow or another crow?
That i don't know

yeah.. its full of sticky stuff, swallowing, chewing n licking...n dead birds o_O

changing blog theme.. (and title =p)
bye bye <:3)~* di sini ada tikus.. we had great fun =']

...harusnya sebelum diganti screenshot dulu tadi ya... -_- bodoh

(Thank you, google..)

something old

i wrote this stuff 4 years ago xD
when things were a lot easier..
neah not really..
was one of my toughest periods but luckily i got a good friend to cheer me up and talk about stupid stuffs with xD
more can be found here

A letter for Aurelvin

dear aurelvin,


akhir2 ini ibu tiri dan saudara2ku sering sekali memberi tugas macam2.. dari yang mencuci tisu, sampai menyemir sepatu hitam dgn semir warna putih dan menyemir sepatu putih dgn semir hitam..

mungkin habis ini mereka juga bakal nyuruh saya motong rumput pake gunting kuku sambil pake penutup mata :'(

jadi maaf saya ga bisa sering2 kontak kmu. What can i do is to write you something every time i'm going to bed, and give it to my beloved favorite pet house mice, Ratso.. oh hari ini Ratso dan teman2nya baik sekali, kamu tau ga klo kemaren ayah mengirimkan satu paket graham crackers.. dan tentu saja semuanya diambil oleh ibu dan kakak2, tanpa menyisakan satu pun untukku (graham crackers di kala itu sangat langka dan mahal, -red.)

dan aku tidak tahu bagaimana mereka melakukannya, tapi ketika aku membuka pintu kamarku malam ini, dengan tangan belepotan semir putih dan hitam, di mejaku sudah ada satu bungkus graham crackers..

dari mana aku tahu kalau itu dari Ratso?
well.. di sebelahnya ada beberapa butir tai tikus, so.. i figured itu signaturenya si ratso (sperti zorro dgn tanda Z-nya)

ya begitu saja cerita dariku hari ini..

please give my regards to ur nice aunts :)
how's ur make up and sewing lessons btw?
i think ur aunts are right, you have to learn on those kinds of stuffs
kmu kan tidak bisa selamanya mengandalkan wajahmu yang cantik dan suaramu yg semerdu burung itu.. although i really2 miss ur voice, aurel :)


take care n lots of love from me,

Cinderulm

---

And now in English :P


Dear Aurelvin,


My step mother and sisters have been given me all sorts of tasks lately.. They told me to wash tissue napkins, while polishing black shoes with a white polish and polishing white shoes with a black polish..

Perhaps after all that they would also tell me to trim the lawn with a nail-cutter blindfolded :'(

So sorry that I haven't been able to write you sooner. All i can i do is to write you something every time i'm going to bed, and give it to my beloved favorite pet house mice, Ratso.. oh today Ratso and his friends has been extremely lovely. Yesterday daddy sent me a pack of Graham crackers.. which was of course being taken away from me by evil stepmother, leaving me with nothing. (Graham crackers is an expensive commodity)

I dont know how they've done it. But as I opened the door to my room tonight (my hands all dirty and spotted with white and black shoe polish), there it was.. a pack of Graham crackers..

Now how would I know that it's Ratso's doing? Well.. laying next to it were a few tiny pieces of rat droppings. So.. i figured it's Ratso's signature, just like Zorro with his 'Z' carvings.

Well, that's all for now.

Please give my regards to your nice aunts :)
How's your make-up and sewing lessons by the way?
I think your aunts are right, you have to learn those kinds of things.
You cant forever count on your pretty face and birdlike voice.. Although i really2 miss ur voice, aurel :)


Take care and lots of love from me,

Cinderulm

o teh wise one hath spokenth

Source: Stefan Sagmeister’s full list of 20 maxims

no.. i didnt write the whole thing. Ulma's original content will recommence as soon as she managed to move her ass away from her frequently recurring feelings of incompetence. The list came from Sagmeister's new book, "Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far". Stefan Sagmeister is a renowned Austrian designer.. currntly living in Bali.. (oh wow..).. uhmm.. n here goes the list (in bold), plus comments:

1. Helping other people helps me.
Helping other people helps other people. They helping me helps me. If only there was a way they help me without me helping them..hmm

2. Having guts always works out for me.
Having guts usually gives ppl bruises, bone fractures and a night in jail.

3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.
Yes. Because life will suck in the future. You moron...how could you think life will be better..stupid!
PS: And you "are"... living now, technically...

4. Organising a charity group is surprisingly easy.
But very time consuming and you dont even get to keep the money :(

5. Being not truthful always works against me.
Not really... It may work against me in the future but "I have to live now"

6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
Imagine being haunted by the things u do in the toilet...
"I knowwww what u did last night... You forcefully pushed me out....drowned me and flushed me down... but i'm BACK"

7. Assuming is stifling.
Assuming usually comes after thinking. Not thinking is worse. Assuming that I won't get hit by a meteorite and fall to the ground, got run-over by a large truck and bunnies humping my dead corpse helps me get through the day.

8. Drugs feel great in the beginning and become a drag later on.
Don't let drugs ruin your life. Just move on to stronger drugs when the current one starts to bore you.

9. Over time I get used to everything and start taking for granted.
Not true. When I was young I shitted, pissed, cried to the people who gave me life and took care of me. I stopped last year and now I am very grateful.

10. Money does not make me happy.
True the important things are to always have food, a place to sleep, taking care of your loved ones and make sure they have food and a place to sleep.
But most importantly is just to be around your loved ones with clothes on and not smell bad. Thank god these things are all FREE!! Oh wait..it's not -.-

11. My dreams have no meaning.
Correct. Dreams are not to be mistaken with visions into the near future.
That would totally freak me out. Unless yours are, but meaningless visions are just dreams without a meaning... uhh wait.. i'm confused now...

12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.
Especially if you have acute or short-term memory loss.

13. Trying to look good limits my life.
Try harder. Trying to look good got me hired at the intake, opened new doors, a better social life. it also made me satisfied with who I am so I don't get judged on my appearance but quality and knowledge.

And I got that lovely smile from the sushi waitress the other night.

14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
That's why I prefer a small Porsche over a Hummer anytime.

15. Worrying solves nothing.
Not worrying solves nothing. Worrying means you take something seriously and think of possible solutions.
Imagine you're room caught fire this instant! Worrying gets you out of the building and call the fire department. Otherwise you'll just turn your head and continue watch nip/tuck.

16. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.
I act by complaining to get what I want. Forgetting that I got robbed by a giant 2 meter felon with a handgun or hunting him down myself is just silly.

17. Everybody thinks they are right.
How silly of them...There's only one person who is.

18. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.
Huh? I don't get it.. Oh you mean like if I want to taste pizza the right way, I have to try to eat it first..

Well when you put it in food terms..

19. Low expectations are a good strategy.
Yes, the lower the better. Assuming that you go bankrupt right after you finish a project is the way to go!
Boss: Men! When we're done building this school we're surely go bankrupt and you will all get fired.

Would probably turn out to be a very solid school I think.

20. Everybody who is honest is interesting.
Thats why all boring stuffs are made by liars. Like books and movies.
Thank god we have religious people. They are forbidden to lie and have like the most fun ever... Like stoning gays, sex with little boys, beating their women or just marry a few underage ones. Great fun.


And people.. there you have it.. *drum rolls, crowd cheers, applause, roses, curtains*

mirror, mirror..

with a blunt thud the mirror fell to the ground.
i was half-surprised as i watched its fragments scattered all over.
the mirror suffered a number of crashes before but never broke.
this last fall finally took the toll.

i dont know if it has any significant meaning to my life right now.
the mirror fell before. it didn't break. it fell again. still didnt break.
me and my roommate used to laugh whenever it happened. "will the day when we have to find a new mirror ever come?"

so it broke.
and there are mirror pieces shattered on the floor.
small pieces, some or so small they look like shinning, sparkling dust.

and i thought to myself. so that's it. no loud noises. no drama. it just fell and broke.
didnt give out a noise except the usual 'thud'.
the mirror just shattered.

im not sure if i want to clean it.
i want to keep the proove that the mirror that i thought would never break, just broke.
look, you can see the pieces on the floor. small pieces, and some glitters like the stars in the night sky.

and i thought it would never break.

apa-apaan ini -_-

Nothing interesting came up to my life lately im jst gnna throw in more personality/random useless stuff.. And this one's effin annoying -_-

You appreciate the better things of life and you don't particularly want to strive in order to achieve them. What a pity you were not born into the Gentry with servants, etc. Unfortunately - life is not like that. You have the ability to be whatever it is that you would like to be but you must make the effort. ahahah.. dammit -_-

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. ouch Don't be so impulsive. double ouch It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. ouch.. ouch.. ouch.. -_- Ease up a little. Ease up a little??

In spite of all the opposition, you are insisting that your goals are realistic but circumstances are forcing you to compromise. You are not very happy with this situation but there is little that you can do about it. You have very strict standards which you try to apply to everyone who enters your sphere of influence.

At this moment in time you feel as if you have lost the strength of will to contend with existing problems and difficulties which appear to you as deliberate opposition. You are trying to stand your ground but the pressures are intolerable. You would like some co-operation from those around you but it's not forthcoming so you feel that, in its absence, there is nothing you can do to improve the current situation. You would like nothing better than to 'get away from it all'.

Circumstances are such that you have been exposed to considerable stress and tension, perhaps due to unfulfilled emotional needs. You would like nothing better than to escape from it all by retiring to some 'fantasy land' where you are permitted to RELAX and get back your strength.

>>its like somebody's reading my nightmare -no, its my life- out loud to me -_-


stupid hovering cubes..




Git.
Sabar-sabar..
*breathe*

-----

update april 22nd 2009

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image. You need for those people in positions that matter to recognise your potential and to acknowledge you.

You are a rather inhibited sort of person. This could be the result of your upbringing or of your schooling, whatever. You are able to obtain satisfaction from various forms of physical or emotional activity but all in all you are inclined to be emotionally withdrawn. As a consequence of this you find it difficult to sustain any deep involvement.

Stresses resulting from a recent disappointment have led to considerable trepidation. It would seem that there seems to be so much left undone. Everything surrounds you with that air of uncertainty. You badly need to feel a sense of security and whatever it takes to protect you against further disappointment. At this particular time you doubt that things could be any better in the future but you are sticking to your guns and refusing to take advice from any source.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

lol..
*sigh

what ulma needs

- a friday night home (to focus on one track)
- to be de-programmed

=D

thanks, zoomdoggle!

Ready to find out what you need? What you really need? Like on the deepest level possible…

Google knows all. Simply google your name, and the word NEEDS, all in quotes. Whatever comes up is, well, exactly what you need.

hahahah.. eat that!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. well..i try to

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. nyahahahaha..

Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. u mean the handsome next door neighbour?

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. yesh, true true..

And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. huh?

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. :D

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. XD

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. *nods

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. whats the use of hving everything if u hv nobody to share it with *cough cough

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. agree up to this point.

It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. oh geez im so shallow..

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Ay me, how weak a thing
The heart of woman is!
(Shakespeare)

geek love <3

Sierpinski Triangle

Anyone can be a great fortune-teller at once. This is the secret of its popularity.

You are Silver Raccoon, who is delicate in that, you still hold girlish innocence and prettiness.
Your facial expression and action is also gentle, and tends to be bit of a poser.
Even though you are gentle and quiet, there is side of you that can not control your self-indulgence.
You don't talk much, but are a proud person and will not easily listen to other people.
This makes you stiff and obstinate.
You possess calmness that will not be moved by situations.
You tend to judge people coolly.
Personality wise, you have strong emotions, and if the situation is about yourself, you tend to be easily influenced.
In personal relationships, you prefer to keep long relations than to have a short one.
Once you have met a person who would understand you, you try to keep that relationship forever.
To do this, it may be getter if you could broaden your acquaintance, and at the same time broaden your field of interest, and develop yourself as a human being.
You are not very good at organizing and clearing up.
You prefer to spend your time outside socializing.
You are suited to stay out that to stay at home.

poser???
of course i prefer long term relationship. but what happens most of the time is the opposite =p
i like the "broadening acquaintance"-part.. *giggle*
never see myself as a social person.
...
yea begitulah =p
btw bahasa inggrisnya kaco nih ah yg bikin..

internet banking abn amro goblok -_-

yg kayak gini emg ga bisa pake bahasa inggris :p

I'M SO SORRY.. -_-