nyahaha im sad.
every time i tried to lift up the mood.
be happy, make it easier for myself
things will go wrong.
its my fault, i know..
things look okay, n then not, n then its ok again,
n then i said something n then
...
n the anxiety attack:
heart beating faster, breathing gets harder,
chest hurting, head almost explodes.
n i wonder if im strong enough
its going to be a long month.
i wonder if im gonna survive :p
either these anxiety attacks will kill me first, or just me..
i can also throw it away, like i used to
perseverance is hard.
for the meantime just try to communicate happy positive stuffs.
...
Tampilkan postingan dengan label mood fluctuation. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label mood fluctuation. Tampilkan semua postingan
i'll give myself a one-liner
"Passive-aggressive bullsh*t..."
Someday I will walk away and say
You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way
...
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn against me?
(A Perfect Circle-Passive)
Someday I will walk away and say
You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way
...
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn against me?
(A Perfect Circle-Passive)
the great betrayer
i dont know if ure expecting a reply
i know i lost a great guy. you’ve been so good to me and my family, i would not dare ask for a better husband to-be than you. you put up with everything for this relationship, for our marriage. while i was hardly so. disappoint my family. im sorry im not like you. you know what you want and you’re determined to get it. you’re a great friend. someone i can talk to and depend on. i was really happy, i thought that i have found a guy who i could talk about anything to. you are really someone who will do anything to make a girl happy. but im just too self destructive and always ruin things. we can never be together.
those criteria that u mentioned in your email, i think you fit just right in.. i know im gonna regret and get jealous at that lucky girl who would finally be the one you’re gonna spend your life with.
i had seen everything coming but still continued. and i thought i just keep trying/hiding/lying, anything but telling the truth so i didnt hv to hurt you.
but now i just hurt both of us more.. i never wanted this
i wish i could be more truthful to myself and everybody. be a stronger person and not so clueless, instead of just following you and try to convince myself that what u want is what i want as well.. i know i tried. i’m sorry that i could not make up my mind sooner, and how i wish we didnt have to go through all this.
i dont know what im going to do now.. i just know i want to be alone for a while..
im gonna try to be okay, ur email was a big blow. coz everything u said was true, and i was always trying to run away from/ignore it all the time.
i really appreciate that you still want to be friends with me, but how can you still be friends with someone like me.
i hate what i have done.. how can you not hate me.
im sorry you’ve met me.. you deserve to be happy.. not be around me and my messed up life.
take care and thanks for everything.
im stupid. sorry.
Repeat (playlist)
tell me in the morning
oh i prmise nt to cry, anymore..
you and i are a gang of losers
..and ppl say our babies r walking this town
i die, u smile, u laugh, i cry.
I'm afraid my time has expired
I hope you'll come and dry me
I hope you can find me
I'm afraid to rust tonight
everything will be alright
and my heart, they dont beat.
they dont beat the way they used to
and my eyes they dont recognise you no more
and my lips, they dont kiss
they dont kiss the way they used to..
i love the bones of you
i could make u smile
if u stay awhile
there's a pain in my heart.
im sorry i've met u
hit me i cn take ur cheap shots.
-ramblin' (wo)man
goin back to 505
oh i prmise nt to cry, anymore..
you and i are a gang of losers
..and ppl say our babies r walking this town
i die, u smile, u laugh, i cry.
I'm afraid my time has expired
I hope you'll come and dry me
I hope you can find me
I'm afraid to rust tonight
everything will be alright
and my heart, they dont beat.
they dont beat the way they used to
and my eyes they dont recognise you no more
and my lips, they dont kiss
they dont kiss the way they used to..
i love the bones of you
i could make u smile
if u stay awhile
there's a pain in my heart.im sorry i've met u
hit me i cn take ur cheap shots.
-ramblin' (wo)man
goin back to 505
robyn's be mine
*sung with tears runnin down*
dancing version here ballad version here
It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain
As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
There'll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again
Just the sweet pain of watching your back as you walk
As I'm watching you walk away
And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing, faking a smile when I
feel like I'm falling apart inside
But you never were, and you never will be mine
For the first time, there is no mercy in your eyes
And the cold wind is hitting my face and you're gone
And you're walking away
And now I'm helpless
Sometimes wishing's just no good
'Cause you don't see me like I wish you would
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you always keep passing me by
You looked happy, and that's great
I just miss you, that's all
dancing version here ballad version here
the worst feeling ever
is when you hurt someone you really care, you realise you are actually also hurting yourself
and the fact that the person is hurt, hurts you also,
n then you blame yourself coz you let it happen, which makes it worse,
and it breaks the both of you.
and it hurts you so,
and then before you know it, you're swallowed by an endless spiral of hurt feelings
time will heal, they say..
time will heal..
logic drops in,
he said, "everybody is responsible for their own life"
so dont run away,
when will you stop running?
and the fact that the person is hurt, hurts you also,
n then you blame yourself coz you let it happen, which makes it worse,
and it breaks the both of you.
and it hurts you so,
and then before you know it, you're swallowed by an endless spiral of hurt feelings
time will heal, they say..
time will heal..
logic drops in,
he said, "everybody is responsible for their own life"
so dont run away,
when will you stop running?
im sorry i met u, darling
cant think properly for the time being so i just post this =p post title's from last shadow puppet's meeting place
ngga.. ga maksud cheesy, but im feeling so cheesy right now.. so keju...
this violent imagination of mine
in my head i was playing the scene
over and over again
we are in this situation where
i am standing
with a monitor screen in my hand
and again and again
i slammed it to your head
till your skull broke
till you choke blood
until you lay motionless on the floor
and your scream
that had been such beautiful music
to my ears
had stopped
and i feel extremely
relieved
and happy
and i would smile
the widest smile I've ever made
over and over again
we are in this situation where
i am standing
with a monitor screen in my hand
and again and again
i slammed it to your head
till your skull broke
till you choke blood
until you lay motionless on the floor
and your scream
that had been such beautiful music
to my ears
had stopped
and i feel extremely
relieved
and happy
and i would smile
the widest smile I've ever made
unsent 2.0
Dear [censored],
Thanks for your mail.
I hope you’re having a great time in [censored]
Congrats for your upcoming wedding
I always think of you as a character in a fictive novel I won’t bother reading
And I’m surprised that you still sent me this email
In other words: thank you for telling me but I couldn’t care less
Yours Sincerely,
Ulma
It’s either I’m too nice or I don’t have the guts to send this email xD
coz loving u is pointless..
i wish i could stop
convincing myself otherwise
this merry-go-round
keeps moving round and round
i wish i could stop
unfortunately it's not an easy thing to stop
the merry-go-round
it's going round and round
and going nowhere
what can i do?
to make it stop
spinning aimlessly
being on a high then back to low
turning my stomach
inside-out
i wish i could stop
convincing myself otherwise
this merry-go-round
keeps moving round and round
i wish i could stop
unfortunately it's not an easy thing to stop
the merry-go-round
it's going round and round
and going nowhere
what can i do?
to make it stop
spinning aimlessly
being on a high then back to low
turning my stomach
inside-out
i wish i could stop
everything is slipping away..
*stupid menstruation cramp*
and i cant get a grip
my colleague told me "dont let it control you". yagz.. ini menstruation cramp gtu. entah karena gw yg kurang gizi..
pusing, trus crampnya yg dateng-pergi.. td pagi pake sampe pengen muntah segala..
so i looked for "natural" ways of avoiding the cramps. why dont take medicines? i just not in favor of taking in pills etc. if there's a none-chemical way to handle things. why not. some easy pointers that i found:
* makan cukup zinc, calcium and B vitamins, especially vitamin B6
* cut back salt, sugar and caffeine intake (hwaaaaa ='( )
* Heat helps! (benar)
* Avoid standing, especially if you have a sore back. Better yet, lie down and pull your knees up towards your chest.
* Do small exercise
* Drink herbal teas like raspberry leaf tea and cramp bark tea
* Stock up on pineapples. Fresh pineapple juice contains a lot of bromelain, an enzyme that is thought to help relax muscles and therefore help with menstrual cramps.
Sore ini ada undangan dari Dance 4 Life gtu. Org2 kantor tadi yg pada heran gtu gw ga mo pergi cuma gara2 cramps doang. (cramps dan skrg campur maag -> juga akhir2 ini sering kambuh). dan pusing @_@
iya sih, myb i shouldnt let the cramps take over. tp asli skrg yg gw pgn cuma bobo di kasur, selimutan T_T
and i cant get a grip
my colleague told me "dont let it control you". yagz.. ini menstruation cramp gtu. entah karena gw yg kurang gizi..
pusing, trus crampnya yg dateng-pergi.. td pagi pake sampe pengen muntah segala..
so i looked for "natural" ways of avoiding the cramps. why dont take medicines? i just not in favor of taking in pills etc. if there's a none-chemical way to handle things. why not. some easy pointers that i found:
* makan cukup zinc, calcium and B vitamins, especially vitamin B6
* cut back salt, sugar and caffeine intake (hwaaaaa ='( )
* Heat helps! (benar)
* Avoid standing, especially if you have a sore back. Better yet, lie down and pull your knees up towards your chest.
* Do small exercise
* Drink herbal teas like raspberry leaf tea and cramp bark tea
* Stock up on pineapples. Fresh pineapple juice contains a lot of bromelain, an enzyme that is thought to help relax muscles and therefore help with menstrual cramps.
Sore ini ada undangan dari Dance 4 Life gtu. Org2 kantor tadi yg pada heran gtu gw ga mo pergi cuma gara2 cramps doang. (cramps dan skrg campur maag -> juga akhir2 ini sering kambuh). dan pusing @_@
iya sih, myb i shouldnt let the cramps take over. tp asli skrg yg gw pgn cuma bobo di kasur, selimutan T_T
before this go away
yeah, why not making a new year's resolution.
i nvr had any bfore.
n i promised myself to be a better person
how many resolutions can you make and keep it feasible?
hmm
lets try 5
*) live in a more healthy lifestyle. seriously gw dah mo 22 *sigh* at least bener2 harus jaga makan. try to do more sport (in plan: swimming-related sports or yoga), reduce smoking (also for financial reason :p)
*) POSITIVE THINKING n try to keep my mental health in balance *oooohhmmm* remember zen :p gara2 sering denger kata itu (zen) recently. zen has a lot of meaning, true. but what i meant is the "mental peacefulness"
*) finish my school assignments :D
*) do proper finance management
*) belajar (untuk lebih) sabar :p (im sorry for the times that i shouted/get quickly mad at you)
yay.. five
lets hope that i can do that!
ow the Memento Mori short-story made me realize more that there ARE times that you have to really remind yourself. Earl wrote epriting down bfore he forgot. my memory is still better than him, but i know that there are times that i umm not behaving as well as i expected.
dan kata bu Nio "changing is hard. but you can do it if you really push yourself". masalahnya selama ini i dont push myself at all.
dan d memento mori juga, lupa exact wordsnya gmn, tp yg jelas in human's life, there are moments where one can find tranquility and get inspired to do great things. tp its a rare moment and some times the moment passes just like that.
well coz i hv a religion i would say that those moments can be increased if you have frequent connection with The One Above (Bahasa: Yang Di Atas :p) and, op kors, Dia adalah Yang Maha Memberi Petunjuk
Hmm ya.. im not a very Faithful person (yet). (Kenapa ga dimasukin di resolution list? umm *blush* dunno. guess im still afraid that i'll let myself down. and again, i think for me its the thing that should be on my list every day of my life -> jawaban bluffing *sigh* will be good if true, though)
(Amin)
i nvr had any bfore.
n i promised myself to be a better person
how many resolutions can you make and keep it feasible?
hmm
lets try 5
*) live in a more healthy lifestyle. seriously gw dah mo 22 *sigh* at least bener2 harus jaga makan. try to do more sport (in plan: swimming-related sports or yoga), reduce smoking (also for financial reason :p)
*) POSITIVE THINKING n try to keep my mental health in balance *oooohhmmm* remember zen :p gara2 sering denger kata itu (zen) recently. zen has a lot of meaning, true. but what i meant is the "mental peacefulness"
*) finish my school assignments :D
*) do proper finance management
*) belajar (untuk lebih) sabar :p (im sorry for the times that i shouted/get quickly mad at you)
yay.. five
lets hope that i can do that!
ow the Memento Mori short-story made me realize more that there ARE times that you have to really remind yourself. Earl wrote epriting down bfore he forgot. my memory is still better than him, but i know that there are times that i umm not behaving as well as i expected.
dan kata bu Nio "changing is hard. but you can do it if you really push yourself". masalahnya selama ini i dont push myself at all.
dan d memento mori juga, lupa exact wordsnya gmn, tp yg jelas in human's life, there are moments where one can find tranquility and get inspired to do great things. tp its a rare moment and some times the moment passes just like that.
well coz i hv a religion i would say that those moments can be increased if you have frequent connection with The One Above (Bahasa: Yang Di Atas :p) and, op kors, Dia adalah Yang Maha Memberi Petunjuk
Hmm ya.. im not a very Faithful person (yet). (Kenapa ga dimasukin di resolution list? umm *blush* dunno. guess im still afraid that i'll let myself down. and again, i think for me its the thing that should be on my list every day of my life -> jawaban bluffing *sigh* will be good if true, though)
(Amin)
help im weird :(
statusnya beni -->
2007@indo = pesawat ilang, kapal tenggelam, kereta tabrakan... mo bilang menuju sukses -_-
tapi tetep aja pengen pulang
kangen indo T_T
2007@indo = pesawat ilang, kapal tenggelam, kereta tabrakan... mo bilang menuju sukses -_-
tapi tetep aja pengen pulang
kangen indo T_T
"kalo ngomong sama ulma tu direct, jgn muter kemana2"
coz my head's too soft ;p
smpe sama manager wau dikasih nama "Lathif" which means subtle/soft.. soft on the head -.-
i cant take hints :D
(tp gitu ngakunya deep person -.-)
lho iya sih, sometimes i like to think n consider stuff kebanyakan
trus jadiny neglect other stuffs yg harusnya dipikirin jg :D
suka nyeplos :p
"anak ini sadis", kata kemal
boyfriend: "emang kmu peduli klo anak itu ngejauhin kmu?"
me: "engga juga sih"
boyfriend: "terus?"
me: "i just dont want to make a normal-relationship becomes distant"
humm..
im not like that to everybody
i saw this friend of friend of mine this evening
dan nyadar klo aku pake kaos yg sama yg ak pke skrg, sm wkt ketemu dia (setahun yg lalu?), well kaos, jaket, dan jeans :D
pgn gt kadang2 mengubah penampilan :p
oh vina ure such an inspiration
:D
duluuu kita bedua sama2 setia dgn jeans n t-shirt
skrg vina udh pke daster/dress lucu2.. dah dandan.. punya boot lucu
me still in jeans n t-shirt :p
kayaknya aku pernah ngepost kyk gini juga yak
its just
aku tu takut klo misalnya fokus ke appearance, aku lupa sama "inner-self" yg mesti dibagusin juga
do i sense hypocrisy here?
*sigh*
dunno
tp kata org, klo too much focusing on deficiencies, ga maju2
(kata org2 jg spertinya sy sperti itu, selalu ngeliat apa yg kurang dr diri sendiri, which reminds me of elv's post recently)
for me its hard to be positive, be nice, for myself
klo buat org laen, oh its so easy, its already like my nature
to be nice to other ppl
coba disuruh nice k diri sndiri
oh no no no
*meditasi*
"ooommmm"....
coz my head's too soft ;p
smpe sama manager wau dikasih nama "Lathif" which means subtle/soft.. soft on the head -.-
i cant take hints :D
(tp gitu ngakunya deep person -.-)
lho iya sih, sometimes i like to think n consider stuff kebanyakan
trus jadiny neglect other stuffs yg harusnya dipikirin jg :D
suka nyeplos :p
"anak ini sadis", kata kemal
boyfriend: "emang kmu peduli klo anak itu ngejauhin kmu?"
me: "engga juga sih"
boyfriend: "terus?"
me: "i just dont want to make a normal-relationship becomes distant"
humm..
im not like that to everybody
i saw this friend of friend of mine this evening
dan nyadar klo aku pake kaos yg sama yg ak pke skrg, sm wkt ketemu dia (setahun yg lalu?), well kaos, jaket, dan jeans :D
pgn gt kadang2 mengubah penampilan :p
oh vina ure such an inspiration
:D
duluuu kita bedua sama2 setia dgn jeans n t-shirt
skrg vina udh pke daster/dress lucu2.. dah dandan.. punya boot lucu
me still in jeans n t-shirt :p
kayaknya aku pernah ngepost kyk gini juga yak
its just
aku tu takut klo misalnya fokus ke appearance, aku lupa sama "inner-self" yg mesti dibagusin juga
do i sense hypocrisy here?
*sigh*
dunno
tp kata org, klo too much focusing on deficiencies, ga maju2
(kata org2 jg spertinya sy sperti itu, selalu ngeliat apa yg kurang dr diri sendiri, which reminds me of elv's post recently)
for me its hard to be positive, be nice, for myself
klo buat org laen, oh its so easy, its already like my nature
to be nice to other ppl
coba disuruh nice k diri sndiri
oh no no no
*meditasi*
"ooommmm"....
maybe could be possibly
maybe everything that i said was just a lie
something that is only for the human eye
i in fact have become a pry
for innocent, sensitive self thoughts and apple pie
it could be that you're living in vain
or its me who could not gain
the real meaning of beauty through pain
possibly these days are merry days
full of laughters and cheerful gays
for an insolent person like I
this holiday will only be a sight for sore eyes
meaning more or less
have a happy holiday, you cowering jays
something that is only for the human eye
i in fact have become a pry
for innocent, sensitive self thoughts and apple pie
it could be that you're living in vain
or its me who could not gain
the real meaning of beauty through pain
possibly these days are merry days
full of laughters and cheerful gays
for an insolent person like I
this holiday will only be a sight for sore eyes
meaning more or less
have a happy holiday, you cowering jays
you will not like this
i love you and i miss you always
i know that i have to trust you more
and trust myself more..make myself to want to trust myself
and for myself to be trusted by myself..to make myself be trusted by none other than myself
i love you
please know that i love you
if everything in this life happened
please know that i always love you
love come and go
love scream and went away
but you own my heart my mind and my soul
God if i'm not like this
i will be arrogant
if not
i will loose You
do I have to choose?
i hate to choose
You know i can never choose T_T
God help T_T
i know that i have to trust you more
and trust myself more..make myself to want to trust myself
and for myself to be trusted by myself..to make myself be trusted by none other than myself
i love you
please know that i love you
if everything in this life happened
please know that i always love you
love come and go
love scream and went away
but you own my heart my mind and my soul
God if i'm not like this
i will be arrogant
if not
i will loose You
do I have to choose?
i hate to choose
You know i can never choose T_T
God help T_T
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