the great betrayer

i dont know what to say to you..
i dont know if ure expecting a reply

i know i lost a great guy. you’ve been so good to me and my family, i would not dare ask for a better husband to-be than you. you put up with everything for this relationship, for our marriage. while i was hardly so. disappoint my family. im sorry im not like you. you know what you want and you’re determined to get it. you’re a great friend. someone i can talk to and depend on. i was really happy, i thought that i have found a guy who i could talk about anything to. you are really someone who will do anything to make a girl happy. but im just too self destructive and always ruin things. we can never be together.

those criteria that u mentioned in your email, i think you fit just right in.. i know im gonna regret and get jealous at that lucky girl who would finally be the one you’re gonna spend your life with.

i had seen everything coming but still continued. and i thought i just keep trying/hiding/lying, anything but telling the truth so i didnt hv to hurt you.
but now i just hurt both of us more.. i never wanted this

i wish i could be more truthful to myself and everybody. be a stronger person and not so clueless, instead of just following you and try to convince myself that what u want is what i want as well.. i know i tried. i’m sorry that i could not make up my mind sooner, and how i wish we didnt have to go through all this.

i dont know what im going to do now.. i just know i want to be alone for a while..
im gonna try to be okay, ur email was a big blow. coz everything u said was true, and i was always trying to run away from/ignore it all the time.

i really appreciate that you still want to be friends with me, but how can you still be friends with someone like me.
i hate what i have done.. how can you not hate me.

im sorry you’ve met me.. you deserve to be happy.. not be around me and my messed up life.

take care and thanks for everything.

im stupid. sorry.

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