uLma this Eid ul-Fitr

After a quite depressing post about how pathetic I felt..
After being pissed off for not spending "the day" with him


Lebaran kemaren cukup menyenangkan :)
I should say it's the best I've ever had

and when they say everything will be okay if you have your friends around, its true

Minggu malem abis kerja me went to logger 94 (my shrine :p), tadinya udh ga mau sih, after having long-distance arguments (thru SMS n short phone calls) with bapak, tadinya yg bertekad untuk having Eid solitarily. But then kan Elvin said klo mo masak2 d tempatnya, coz ada tantenya yg mo dateng pas Eid. So, ya why dont give her a hand drpd being miserable alone.

Tp ternyata elvin sakit. so no cooking2 hari minggu itu.

Keesokan harinya, which would be Lebaran day, me, yussi, haryo, amam brgkt solat Id, Elvin tinggal d rumah, get more rest. Solat id taun ini sama kayak taun2 sebelumya, d olympia-stadion daerah oud-zuid. kami ke sana naek metro, smpe metro-station amstelveenseweg. Pas turun dr metro, dr metro yg arah berlawanan turun mak ipte ("IFTAAAAAAAAAA!"), trnyata dia janjian ma isrina. so i decided to wait with her there and separate myself from the boys.

Isrina (like always) took the wrong metro, but arrive not long after.

As we walked to the stadion, di seberang jalan ada two ladies yg lari2 dan berteriak2 sumthin... which turned out to be: Prima and Dita :D
WOW... all Hollendrecht ladies got together at the same time! cool.. :D

And I just felt like "its getting better and better"

Pas lagi jalan Ibu dan Bapak Ammar Basymeleh (:P) yg bersepeda liwat di samping.

Sampe d stadionnya altho harus wudhu lagi (karena d metro tak sengaja "menyentuh" haryo, euehuehue :p), Alhamdulillah tidak terlambat ngikutin solat Id. Kali ini orang2nya lebih crowded dr taun lalu (I think), and it was actually quite a moving moment. gw dah lamaaa banget rasanya ngeliat anak2 inholland itu. emg dah jarang k kampus sih, dan bawaannya klo k kampus pengen cepet2 cabut lg dr situ. jd ya ga smpet ketemu sapa2.
it was quite a pleasant thing to see those old faces again. im not particularly close with everybody, but its just, seeing those kids, fellow indonesian students, again made me feel quite sentimental (duile.. :P)
yea yea.. but its true

abis dari sana trus langsung k elvin, bersama ipte, rina dan bu'denya elvin dan keluarganya, yg ternyata MEMBAWA MAKANAN hehehe.. singkat kata, 80% ludes before noon :P

Masak2nya jadi sih, Elvin masak lodeh lagi (dan ada klepon kenyal yg lalu dibuang), tahu gejrot (ulma ga kebagian T_T), tempe goreng.. yg di-enjoy pula oleh Neysa yg joined a little later.. ada Vina, Tiki, Daniel dan pacarnya Lidia (or was it Lidya? or Lia? we... lupa =S). Arif Iman Santoso also came altho pas dia dateng udh ga gitu banyak yg tersisa (kacian..), lagian datengnya jam 11.

Jam 7 everybody left, dan seketika Logger 94 pun terasa sepi, huhuhu..

BUT
blm berakhir coz tengah malam ada LAN party :p
Warcraft 3-Reign of Chaos
peserta: Am.am (Orc) Elvin (Human) Tiki (Night Elf) Ulma (Undead) Yussi (Undead)
Mission: menggempur 2 computer teams with normal difficulty

yah tentu saja sbg noob sy tak berpartisipasi apa2 xD
malah adanya sy mempolusi markasnya elvin dgn mendirikan necropolis ke-2 d sana (yg pertama hancur digempur musuh :P).. dan minta2 sumbangan dr pr allies, hehehe..
sebelumnya dah ditraining bentar sih ma elvin. nyoba2 pke human, pke orc, night elf.

i like the game :D

tadi pagi sebelum brgkt k kantor nyoba maen lagi. tp pke orc. n i think i prefer those simple-minded orcs than the others :D

So it was a very nice Eid ul-Fitr, thank God. And I surely missed my family. dan tingkat kepopuleran menurun, menilik dr sedikitnya SMS-Lebaran yg sy terima xP jauh lebih sedikit dr tahun2 sebelumnya XD lol

yah yah.. what can I say..

Except for:

Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Batin!

Selamat Lebaran bagi semua yg merayakan :)

Minal 'Aidin wal-Faizin (which means "Semoga kita semua tergolong mereka yang kembali -ke fitrah- dan berhasil -dalam latihan menahan diri-"), dan...

Taqobbalallahu minna waminkum, which means "semoga Allah menerima amalku dan amal kalian"

Tuh Ma, inget ya... jangan nyebut doang tp ga tau artinya, heuheuhuehe.. (sumtimes im not even sure how to spell 'em out correctly, tp hopefully yg d atas bener :D)

ulma this Ramadhan

Ramadhan is a blessed month

im still running falling tumbling chasing my own tail

It's time to forgive and ask for forgiveness

(let's avoid people altogether)

When the believers' souls would be revived

(mine's barely breathing)

feels like it's dead inside
empty

(mum.. dad.. help)

my (love)life is a sad story

i should've learned
that nothing good
comes out of anything
if i pushed too hard

i should've learned
the difference
between ignorance
and arrogance

i should've learned
times when i should stop,
let go,
and leave

go back to square one
and start again


Fajr Athan woke me. 6.25. missed sahur totally. i looked at my mobile. 4 missed calls. of course. last night. that was you.
and my head went around, spinning, darkness, thoughts, assumptions, negativities, churning.
that one thought. of you and that other girl. hurts me the most. oh yeah it happened again. of course, u've done it once, why not do it again. stupid karma is on action. like being sliced to little pieces by dozens of sharp piano strings. like trying to bend for all i could but being thrown back at a snap. and it hurts, like tiny molecular pains inside my head jumping up and down, millions, trillions of them, vibrating pains.
i was saying to myself, "God help me.. help me... help me..."
what should i expect?
i dont even listen to anything anymore
im at the bottom of the fire pit. burned roasted, while little evil creature pulling off my flesh, and it wont stop. my flesh grew back and more and more creatures came, ripping of everything, crunching munching away. i wonder if i would ever get accustomed to the pain. maybe hell have new tortures available for me whenever i get used to one.

the sky has a lighter shade of blue now
and sleep is not anywhere near
i stared to the ceiling
tried not to think of anything
stare... stare..stare ...

everything's happened, meaningless. everything's done, worthless.

he's my reason
he's my reason
he's my reason
i lost my reason

finally i reached for the phone
i thought i might call you
so i dialled your number
voice mail. dialled. voicemail. sade - smooth operator was playing. record.
disconnected. dialled. you answered (!). silence (for i couldnt say a thing). end. dialled. voicemail (u must've been trying to call me back). dialled. u picked up, i said nothing. ended. u called. i ignored.

sleep never come again. moon shine too. i think u're really gone now. i think it's done.

uuh ure so zwinky..



yep nyoba zwinky d tmpatnya elvin.
program chatnya si annoying my smiley central, my web search yg bisa nempel d tiap browser/window chat itu.
lucu sih avatar2nya
lebih lucu dr yahoo punya :P
terus wktu chat avatar orgnya (dan org yg kita ajak chat) tu floating d desktop.

yg annoyingnya cuma mesti bareng install my web search dan kroni2nya

ini zwinkynya elvin:
 
 


hehehehe
dan malem ini ppme will decide kapan lebarannya..

More doctors smoke camels than any other cigarette


picture source : Popular Science issue no. 3 - 1946

Before the 50's dokter2 di amrik kebanyakan ngerokok camel. True, ini cuma promosi2an camel aja wktu itu. cuma dia (Camel) ngelakuin surveynya beneran.. 113,597 doctors participated in this poll, dan merk yg paling mrk sebutin ya Camel.

yang pasti klo iklan kayak gini muncul lg skrg.. psti banyak yg protes. terutama non-smoker, dan dr kalangan dokternya juga. mana mau mrk diasosiasiin sama merk rokok skrg.

but the ad mention something bout t-zone, klo org ngerokok itu preferensinya bergantung sama ya.. mouth n throat. good taste smooth smoke.
dan memang benar klo sy prefer camel drpd other brands :p

agh but krn puasa ini, i managed to stay away from it. terakhir ngerokok was a week ago, marlboro light punya simone, n boy it tasted strange. mulut gw kyk dah ga mau nerima asep + rasa rokok lg. n epritime sumbody smokes too close, i would get this strange feeling in my stomach that i want to puke.

it might b a call for me to really quit it altogether. true, udh ngabis2in duit (duit oh duit T_T)... blm lg the health risk. Entah gara2 kebanyakan liat discovery channel, iklan2 d jalan (october is breast cancer awareness month), or gejala penuaan, lama2 jd suka kepikiran those awful diseases yg skrg kayaknya banyak banget =S

So i guess, lets hope that i can really quit smoking. i hope that he can really quit as well. sy tak ingin jd janda muda, heheh..

ah ya.. anybody interested in coming to the UN Night? (Nacht van de VN)
This Tuesday at Melkweg, Amsterdam starting from 6 pm. Ticket price 7,5 Euro.

and if u register to this website u might get a chance to get a ticket for free.

this is too cute

finally, a film bout me n my friends :p



masi buat summer 2007 sih filmnya..
In the new animated-adventure, RATATOUILLE (rat.a.too.ee), a rat named Remy dreams of becoming a great French chef despite his family's wishes and the obvious problem of being a rat in a decidedly rodent-phobic profession. When fate places Remy in the sewers of Paris, he finds himself ideally situated beneath a restaurant made famous by his culinary hero, Auguste Gusteau. Despite the apparent dangers of being an unlikely - and certainly unwanted - visitor in the kitchen of a fine French restaurant, Remy's passion for cooking soon sets into motion a hilarious and exciting rat race that turns the culinary world of Paris upside down.

Remy finds himself torn between his calling and passion in life or returning forever to his previous existence as a rat. He learns the truth about friendship, family and having no choice but to be who he really is, a rat who wants to be a chef.
aaaaah to twweeeeet :D i definetely got to watch this one.. ! uhuhu..

light a million candle


The Light a Million Candles campaign is comprised of a 60-second public-service announcement, print advertisements, a viral email, and a web site. Visit www.lightamillioncandles.com, and offer your support by lighting a virtual candle and challenging the world’s governments, law-enforcement agencies, financial institutions, Internet Service Providers, and payment associations to work together to tackle this problem. The goal is to collect one million pledges by the end of 2006.

No further reason why. just click.

saya kerja di sini



what do I do?
im doing an internship as a project assistant. dari september akhir kmaren.
ngapain project assistant?
so far sih.. bantuin bikin proposal buat minta funding, ngumpul2in evaluasi dr cabang2 yg laen, bikin summary-nya, motokopi :P bikin swot, jd notulen d meeting, standar anak intern.
knp magang?
well i thought of finding a job. tp susye deh :p
apalagi dgn saya yg sok ngundur2 kelulusan. (yeah.. i prefer to not graduate then going back to indo)
why?
well.. mixed  between wanting to be with him longer, and wanting to have more work-experience here.
really?
yea.. the first one being the most dominant one :p

why music mayday?
i saw their ad on a website for internships. after 3 months of no-success in looking a proper full-time job, i started to look at internship possibilities.
their website says something about cross-culture, youth, and music.
I've worked with music-related cultural NGO before, and the job title 'Project Assistant' seemed nicer than a mere 'Stagiaire'. So i expected a more challenging tasks. which thankfully came true. (Photocopying also became more challenging as their machine was quite old and seemed to like to choke itself with paper).

You still work at the restaurant?
yep... thursday, sat n sunday. but last week the manager told me to work one more day, friday. so... yippeee.. (not)
Aren't you tired?
yep.. began to feel the effect of working 7 days a week. (office days r mon thru fri) but hopefully when the fasting's over  it wont be this bad.

how's mr. boyfriend?
just have his birthday today. but we did not plan anything special. nothing, in fact. i think im gonna go to the movie with my colleague from the restaurant. she just came to the Netherlands and desperately needed some fun. she asked the wrong person though.
so mr. boyfriend stays at home... sleeping

what time are you gonna go home?
umm approx. an hour from now :)


powered by performancing firefox

myb i should title my blog: life is not beautiful :p

"If it's not with you.. There is no thing that makes wanna settle down..
I thought it was a bad cough.. But never knew how much illusions hide a torture
Lonesome & forsaken with no gratitude.. Who's goin' to tell, devotion's not your problem

It's me against a wardrobe
Focused on the pain to see how we can get along

Doing things, getting better
I'll move on

Together.. The more I try the less I care about it
Together.. And if you don't see yourself in the mirror, forget what you did
Together.. The more I try the less I care about it

I'm giving up my conscience for another
The only one I want is you

Things I wouldn't do.. Try to treat me like a friend, get another late call
I'll lose you for another
Cause you can't believe how much your pleasure is a factor
Writing down the logic of my solitude
As far as I'm concerned I'd like to leave it random
I'm acting like an orphan

Let me get to know you better to make me less attracted
"

i should turn on the answering machine now

O you who believe! Fasting is ordained for you, as it was ordained for those before you, that you may attain piety. Fast a certain number of days, but those among you who are sick or traveling may fast the same number of days at a later time. But for those who are able to fast and do not, there is still redemption in the feeding of a needy person. However, for those who are given to increased virtue on their own accord, it is more valuable for them, though fasting is far better for you, if you only knew.

-Qur'an, Al-Baqara, Surah 2:183-84

Puasa day 13

sahur: nasi putih + teri, tahu, sosis turki goreng + s. goreng terong bikinan ibu kosnya chauft

bangun 8.15 siap2 cabut, sepanjang jalan udh ngerasain keram di daerah pelvis which continued smpe gw nympe kantor dan duduk

its a long day,n not shiny at all. tp gw finally nyelesein evaluation report, mnta dicomment, trus skalian ma swot analysis juga. smbil baca2 n ngedit2 proposal juga. abis ini bikin summary dr evaluationnya.

td skitar jam 4-an pergi ke albert heijn bntar. beli basic necessities (roti jagung, vegetarian pate, tomat, pisang, magere yoghurt, avocado, keju)

shopping is just no fun
eating is no fun
sleeping is no fun
being at home is no fun

yg salah sama proposal: they dont attract ppl at the introduction.

why english ppl likes to go to australian whn they're bored of their own country?

if ure not happy then im not happy

i think i'll just stay here until iftar. which will b 7.07 pm

i know ure laughing behind my back
i know ure spreading my mistakes to everyone
i know ure judging me

im sorry that im such a boring person
im sorry that im no fun

this is the day when haryo went missing, he could not be reached via his mobile when he's supposed to work today. and his housemates are nowhere near their own phone

but at least its full moon tomorrow

whiner

dingin
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tired..

Not today, but yesterday. Chauft woke me up at 8 am, I had to go to work. But my eyes just wouldnt open, n it felt that both of them were burning, my head hurted a little. Capek banget, and my body just told me to stay in bed n go back to sleep

11 am bangun, masi pengen tidur, liat hape, its on 'silent' 3 missed calls already, from music mayday, isrina n ifta.

no no dont want to wake up now, i just tell the office that im ill today.. i'll call em later .. oh shit no credits left in my phone.. oh i'll figure out how im gonna tell em later

3.30 pm my bf's mobile rang.. its ifta.. (my mobile was still on silent) asking me to meet up later in the evening, with the rest from the (ex-Nieuwersluishof) Hollendrecht girls (rina, herself, prima n dita)

---
was my fault anyway that i didnt sleep as soon as i got to chauft's house. It was late already when i arrived, i dont think that i slept more than two hours before hving to get up again for our morning meal. n then when it's done it's already a quarter before six (n i had to wake up at 7 am or 7.30)

good job, ulma!

however, the evening-out was nice :) its been a long time since the five (minus chitra, dian, vina n citra) of us sit down eat n talk together. n its the first time that i brought bapak to sit at the table with the girls.

While shoving down fried squids into my mouth, my mind flew back to the time i was still living in N-159. So far its the best house with the best ppl to live with for me.

sad thing is, that i let it (them) slipped away just like that... or, i let myself letting them slipped away

buat rina, take care nak
buat prima, jgn selingkuh terus :p hehehe
buat mba dita, take care juga
buat mak ipta, gambate!
buat dian, sukses n take care
buat chitra (wherever u r), forgive me for the words that i said n didnt say
buat citra, hoo lama tak berjumpa
buat vina, heh you owe us one evening-out together!