something old

i wrote this stuff 4 years ago xD
when things were a lot easier..
neah not really..
was one of my toughest periods but luckily i got a good friend to cheer me up and talk about stupid stuffs with xD
more can be found here

A letter for Aurelvin

dear aurelvin,


akhir2 ini ibu tiri dan saudara2ku sering sekali memberi tugas macam2.. dari yang mencuci tisu, sampai menyemir sepatu hitam dgn semir warna putih dan menyemir sepatu putih dgn semir hitam..

mungkin habis ini mereka juga bakal nyuruh saya motong rumput pake gunting kuku sambil pake penutup mata :'(

jadi maaf saya ga bisa sering2 kontak kmu. What can i do is to write you something every time i'm going to bed, and give it to my beloved favorite pet house mice, Ratso.. oh hari ini Ratso dan teman2nya baik sekali, kamu tau ga klo kemaren ayah mengirimkan satu paket graham crackers.. dan tentu saja semuanya diambil oleh ibu dan kakak2, tanpa menyisakan satu pun untukku (graham crackers di kala itu sangat langka dan mahal, -red.)

dan aku tidak tahu bagaimana mereka melakukannya, tapi ketika aku membuka pintu kamarku malam ini, dengan tangan belepotan semir putih dan hitam, di mejaku sudah ada satu bungkus graham crackers..

dari mana aku tahu kalau itu dari Ratso?
well.. di sebelahnya ada beberapa butir tai tikus, so.. i figured itu signaturenya si ratso (sperti zorro dgn tanda Z-nya)

ya begitu saja cerita dariku hari ini..

please give my regards to ur nice aunts :)
how's ur make up and sewing lessons btw?
i think ur aunts are right, you have to learn on those kinds of stuffs
kmu kan tidak bisa selamanya mengandalkan wajahmu yang cantik dan suaramu yg semerdu burung itu.. although i really2 miss ur voice, aurel :)


take care n lots of love from me,

Cinderulm

---

And now in English :P


Dear Aurelvin,


My step mother and sisters have been given me all sorts of tasks lately.. They told me to wash tissue napkins, while polishing black shoes with a white polish and polishing white shoes with a black polish..

Perhaps after all that they would also tell me to trim the lawn with a nail-cutter blindfolded :'(

So sorry that I haven't been able to write you sooner. All i can i do is to write you something every time i'm going to bed, and give it to my beloved favorite pet house mice, Ratso.. oh today Ratso and his friends has been extremely lovely. Yesterday daddy sent me a pack of Graham crackers.. which was of course being taken away from me by evil stepmother, leaving me with nothing. (Graham crackers is an expensive commodity)

I dont know how they've done it. But as I opened the door to my room tonight (my hands all dirty and spotted with white and black shoe polish), there it was.. a pack of Graham crackers..

Now how would I know that it's Ratso's doing? Well.. laying next to it were a few tiny pieces of rat droppings. So.. i figured it's Ratso's signature, just like Zorro with his 'Z' carvings.

Well, that's all for now.

Please give my regards to your nice aunts :)
How's your make-up and sewing lessons by the way?
I think your aunts are right, you have to learn those kinds of things.
You cant forever count on your pretty face and birdlike voice.. Although i really2 miss ur voice, aurel :)


Take care and lots of love from me,

Cinderulm

Slumdog “Destroyed My Family"

The ugly family situation of Rubina Ali, the nine-year-old Slumdog Millionaire actress, continues to worsen, according to The Times of London. Photographers captured a physical fight between Rubina's mother and stepmother over claims that the girl's father tried to sell her in an illegal adoption deal. Now, Sana Ali, Rubina's 13-year-old sister, said her father had driven her from the Mumbai slum home she shared with her siblings and stepmother. "My father said I was unwanted and Rubina was more precious," she said. "Abba [father] cared for us well before Slumdog ... The Oscar has destroyed my family." Sana also said that she knew about the alleged adoption negotiations.

Posted using ShareThis

The Times of London and Hindustan Times

the great betrayer

i dont know what to say to you..
i dont know if ure expecting a reply

i know i lost a great guy. you’ve been so good to me and my family, i would not dare ask for a better husband to-be than you. you put up with everything for this relationship, for our marriage. while i was hardly so. disappoint my family. im sorry im not like you. you know what you want and you’re determined to get it. you’re a great friend. someone i can talk to and depend on. i was really happy, i thought that i have found a guy who i could talk about anything to. you are really someone who will do anything to make a girl happy. but im just too self destructive and always ruin things. we can never be together.

those criteria that u mentioned in your email, i think you fit just right in.. i know im gonna regret and get jealous at that lucky girl who would finally be the one you’re gonna spend your life with.

i had seen everything coming but still continued. and i thought i just keep trying/hiding/lying, anything but telling the truth so i didnt hv to hurt you.
but now i just hurt both of us more.. i never wanted this

i wish i could be more truthful to myself and everybody. be a stronger person and not so clueless, instead of just following you and try to convince myself that what u want is what i want as well.. i know i tried. i’m sorry that i could not make up my mind sooner, and how i wish we didnt have to go through all this.

i dont know what im going to do now.. i just know i want to be alone for a while..
im gonna try to be okay, ur email was a big blow. coz everything u said was true, and i was always trying to run away from/ignore it all the time.

i really appreciate that you still want to be friends with me, but how can you still be friends with someone like me.
i hate what i have done.. how can you not hate me.

im sorry you’ve met me.. you deserve to be happy.. not be around me and my messed up life.

take care and thanks for everything.

im stupid. sorry.

o teh wise one hath spokenth

Source: Stefan Sagmeister’s full list of 20 maxims

no.. i didnt write the whole thing. Ulma's original content will recommence as soon as she managed to move her ass away from her frequently recurring feelings of incompetence. The list came from Sagmeister's new book, "Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far". Stefan Sagmeister is a renowned Austrian designer.. currntly living in Bali.. (oh wow..).. uhmm.. n here goes the list (in bold), plus comments:

1. Helping other people helps me.
Helping other people helps other people. They helping me helps me. If only there was a way they help me without me helping them..hmm

2. Having guts always works out for me.
Having guts usually gives ppl bruises, bone fractures and a night in jail.

3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.
Yes. Because life will suck in the future. You moron...how could you think life will be better..stupid!
PS: And you "are"... living now, technically...

4. Organising a charity group is surprisingly easy.
But very time consuming and you dont even get to keep the money :(

5. Being not truthful always works against me.
Not really... It may work against me in the future but "I have to live now"

6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
Imagine being haunted by the things u do in the toilet...
"I knowwww what u did last night... You forcefully pushed me out....drowned me and flushed me down... but i'm BACK"

7. Assuming is stifling.
Assuming usually comes after thinking. Not thinking is worse. Assuming that I won't get hit by a meteorite and fall to the ground, got run-over by a large truck and bunnies humping my dead corpse helps me get through the day.

8. Drugs feel great in the beginning and become a drag later on.
Don't let drugs ruin your life. Just move on to stronger drugs when the current one starts to bore you.

9. Over time I get used to everything and start taking for granted.
Not true. When I was young I shitted, pissed, cried to the people who gave me life and took care of me. I stopped last year and now I am very grateful.

10. Money does not make me happy.
True the important things are to always have food, a place to sleep, taking care of your loved ones and make sure they have food and a place to sleep.
But most importantly is just to be around your loved ones with clothes on and not smell bad. Thank god these things are all FREE!! Oh wait..it's not -.-

11. My dreams have no meaning.
Correct. Dreams are not to be mistaken with visions into the near future.
That would totally freak me out. Unless yours are, but meaningless visions are just dreams without a meaning... uhh wait.. i'm confused now...

12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.
Especially if you have acute or short-term memory loss.

13. Trying to look good limits my life.
Try harder. Trying to look good got me hired at the intake, opened new doors, a better social life. it also made me satisfied with who I am so I don't get judged on my appearance but quality and knowledge.

And I got that lovely smile from the sushi waitress the other night.

14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
That's why I prefer a small Porsche over a Hummer anytime.

15. Worrying solves nothing.
Not worrying solves nothing. Worrying means you take something seriously and think of possible solutions.
Imagine you're room caught fire this instant! Worrying gets you out of the building and call the fire department. Otherwise you'll just turn your head and continue watch nip/tuck.

16. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.
I act by complaining to get what I want. Forgetting that I got robbed by a giant 2 meter felon with a handgun or hunting him down myself is just silly.

17. Everybody thinks they are right.
How silly of them...There's only one person who is.

18. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.
Huh? I don't get it.. Oh you mean like if I want to taste pizza the right way, I have to try to eat it first..

Well when you put it in food terms..

19. Low expectations are a good strategy.
Yes, the lower the better. Assuming that you go bankrupt right after you finish a project is the way to go!
Boss: Men! When we're done building this school we're surely go bankrupt and you will all get fired.

Would probably turn out to be a very solid school I think.

20. Everybody who is honest is interesting.
Thats why all boring stuffs are made by liars. Like books and movies.
Thank god we have religious people. They are forbidden to lie and have like the most fun ever... Like stoning gays, sex with little boys, beating their women or just marry a few underage ones. Great fun.


And people.. there you have it.. *drum rolls, crowd cheers, applause, roses, curtains*

mirror, mirror..

with a blunt thud the mirror fell to the ground.
i was half-surprised as i watched its fragments scattered all over.
the mirror suffered a number of crashes before but never broke.
this last fall finally took the toll.

i dont know if it has any significant meaning to my life right now.
the mirror fell before. it didn't break. it fell again. still didnt break.
me and my roommate used to laugh whenever it happened. "will the day when we have to find a new mirror ever come?"

so it broke.
and there are mirror pieces shattered on the floor.
small pieces, some or so small they look like shinning, sparkling dust.

and i thought to myself. so that's it. no loud noises. no drama. it just fell and broke.
didnt give out a noise except the usual 'thud'.
the mirror just shattered.

im not sure if i want to clean it.
i want to keep the proove that the mirror that i thought would never break, just broke.
look, you can see the pieces on the floor. small pieces, and some glitters like the stars in the night sky.

and i thought it would never break.

im gonna get in trouble for this.. =p

Meet Scott:

"Hello Everyone, I Am A Christian And I Love To Upload Videos That Teaches You What Christianity Is All About. I Love Acting And Just Making Things Up."

he's like the mini version of him(/her). Ooh im so scaareeeed xD

im (not) gonna see slumdog millionaire

last night i had a "sneak" preview of the oscar-winning movie, 'Slumdog Millionaire'.
I watched like, the first 15 minutes
before i decided to stop the movie and switched to Aladdin =p

15 minutes might not be enough to base my judgement of not gonna see the movie at all xD

what i didnt like from that 15 minutes:

a boy got tortured for answering correctly in a 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' quiz. i dont know how well-educated the ppl in india are. the q's seem to be fairly easy. (yea ok i couldnt answer who played the main role in a 1973 bollywood movie).

those flashbacks.. sad, depressing flashbacks everytime the boy had to answer a q. (its really bad there, but the boy will get his millions, so.. it doesnt matter right?)

its a movie. who makes profit? movie-makers n those young actors. the poor in india might not get anything more than sympathy.

its really far-fetched. a boy winning millions of money. this boy who was covered in shit to get amitabh bachchahn's autograph... n have it sold by his brother.

if they want to engage sympathy, why not make it a realistic one.
if its for entertainment.. well its not my kind of entertainment i guess.

i know its a feel-good movie, trying to show how poor people, one out of a zillion might win the 'who wants to be a millionaire' quiz. there's a lot of misery in this world n i dont know which is worse, being ignorant of them or trying to make money out of it. selling their miseries&their dreams. dreams too far fetched it might never come true. it just hurts.

story-wise, the indonesian movie "laskar pelangi" is better, mybe since it is inspired by true life events.