almost homeless

two.. four.. six.. fourty-five.. €6.45

i lookd into my shopping basket: one pack of wok-veggies, 500 gr flour, 0.5 dozen eggs, 200 gr euro shopper pure chocolate, 100 gr albert heijn white chocolate. i hope the girls still have some sugar left.. and i do hope that my money is enough for the groceries.

im really broke now, my bank account is minus 399.32 euro, i dont really hv any income, and i just spent the last of my money on ingredients for brownies.

when i was in the metro earlier, on my way to central station, there was this guy, with typical homeless-appearance, scruffy clothes, dirty rugsack containing God-knows-what, that made a speech to the people in that compartment. "Ladies and Gentleman, today is such a wonderful day ..bla bla bla.. us, homeless people, where we can do activities together..bla bla bla.. so please give us any amount that you like, bla bla bla..". And then he starts walking around. Well, as you can probably guess, nobody really gave anything.

When he walked nearer (i was standing with my back facing the man), I was feeling the 20 cents in my coat-pocket, determining that i would give this 20 cent for the guy. well, in fact, he just walked past me. and then the metro stopped, and he got out. after that people smirked at each other, i didnt really get what they were saying, i could feel the mixture of guilt (didnt give the man any cent) and relief (that he got out) from the people.. for i quite felt the same way. If it wasnt for the kindness of Mba Mey (my housemate), I could still have a home.. and internet.

And I was wondering if I already did something in gratitude for all the blessings that I've got thorough the year. I am in fact, almost homeless you know. As i came to realize, the person in the metro was also quite nice, he made a speech first, at least. I know some beggars who just walk around the metro, shoving their palm to people, asking for money. And then there was this one street-musician, saxophone-player to be exact, playing the intro of "But you Needn't".. but that was it :D LOL.. after the intro, he played some unrecognizable-jazz-wannabe?-tune n then go back to the intro :D heheheh.. and after a while he would stop playing, turn the saxophone so that the umm that bigger hole part where the noise came out faced the ground, and.. some clear liquid flowed through.. OMG.. well you know what it is.. xD
Some people would say, "there goes another beggar".. they dont have any difference, whether they askd for money straight on your face, made a beautiful speech, or played an intro of a supposed to be cool jazz piece over and over again.

Is that right?

What exactly happend? why are those ppl on the streets?
what if you were them? you hv no place to go, you are hungry, you want to eat, but you are on this big city, you have nothing, you want to work, but you have NOTHING.
you people reading this, are either lucky, or you do work hard to earn everything that you have right now.