after a long and exhausting (it was four am in the morning and i havent slept a wink that day) conversation on my current faith condition. a friend of mine sent me an email. he didnt say anything on the body of the message, for the most important thing that he wanted me to realize, was on the attachment of that email message.
it was this:
I dont recognize the hand-writing, although i know its mine, its just.. i feel indifferent towards it. in fact, i cant identify myself with the person who wrote the thing.
it was written 3.5 years ago. right before i left Holland. The Ulma that wrote the letter was really a different person from the Ulma she is now. I love changes :) Altho sometimes it can be a little scary.
Anyway, the point why my friend sent me back the letter (he scanned it actually), is that he wanted to remind me, of the person i who used to be. He tried to remind me, that I am the one who had made him realize, that shalat is important.
Looking at myself now, to the kind of person I hv become.. I really dont know how I should think. I have this thought that, I WILL go back to him. Some day in the future. Soon, I hope. And that little voice inside my head said "what if.. what if you never find your way back?"