sum'times it occured to me, that after all that i've done: the arrogance, the lies, the loathe, the hatred, the betrayals, the self-destructive thoughts and deeds, the envious words, the lies, and the lies (i lie a lot)..
I shouldn't have survived in this world if it's not by the prayers of my parents, and other people that are good-and-kind hearted enough to pray for me.
it's also because of God's mercy for a puny little useless me. why should God be merciful on me? is it because God is just like that? or is this a question that should not be asked by any living creature that believes in God?
somehow i am hearing this faint sound: "Then you should try harder so that God's mercy is not for-nothing"
and then an another voice: "Being merciful is what God do, randomly.. Because there will be times when you feel totally neglected. Try harder or no, it would not matter. Same Shit Different Day."
And then I have to make a decission on which should i pay attention to