sometimes i thought that i want too little out of life, or too general, not specific: happiness in this world and of course the hereafter. I tried to make it more specific, did self-searching, focus more on myself.. did things that make me happy.. it didnt work. i turned out to be super-selfish.
so i concluded that maybe i can never be like those people with high dreams and aspirations, have specific objectives and goals, what to pursue in their life. well, i know i could if i want to, but all these times i found out that i cant really focus on myself :p people told me that you have to know what you want in this life. what if im just one of those ppl who dont want a lot of things..or am i the only one? :P Like.. why go to Holland? honestly the only thing that passed my mind was 'the adventure' :p
why work in NGO? coz its adventurous, you never knew when you get the money, and you can travel.. plus you get to help other ppl, and even got paid!
of course i like money, all the nice things you could buy with it. and i like working, do/create stuffs.. so i can never see myself as an investor who just put money somewhere and let it grow (yet) xp and definitely, i dont want to be a burden to anyone. i dont know, im 24 so myb its already to late to change my mind-set.
i know i did a lot of bad/irresponsible things in the past. some of them came out of arrogance when i got too comfortable with my life. so maybe i am not allowed to be too comfy coz then i'd forget about othr ppl.. and Him.
myb ppl will say 'you wont say the same thing when ure rich&successful'. umm yea.. im still doubting if i will ever reach that stage...
i dont know.. myb i had a too happy childhood xD no worries and carefree..
or myb its the weather..
oh living up to parents' expectations? my parents are pretty laid-back.. the kind of parents who'd love you just the way you are..
so tell me, should i be worried? xD
--an extended version of my text msg to DaD