the worry-wart speaketh

i wont complain about the dirt on my shoe
wont whine if i cant buy a new coat
i cant decide on which road i want to go
i always hesitate
too much thinking
so many people today
so lonely inside
seeing you through a thick glassed wall
sitting in the dark
my messy room
time either stops
or crawls slowly
i have a lump on my throat
if i could arrange pretty words to make up a beautiful sentence
if i could be so light-hearted so light my scars will fade
if i could find clarity again
if i could go somewhere tranquil
if i try and be persistent to keep things pure
i am not without evil thoughts and selfish needs
if only i could tie my thoughts down
and not let it flutters away without any purpose
the devil the devil in me is dancing
now im older i think i start to know what they're after
and i wonder, now that i know
will it change?
will it wear a sheep's clothing and transform itself into something else?

why do i worry about these things while others doesnt?
i sounded like those religious/philosophical people (or not)
i worry too much
and done nothing

i am too difficult maybe
too difficult to understand
have i told you enough to make you think that i should stop talking?
has it come to your mind that my thoughts are jumbled lines?

i
just
have
no
clue
at
all
about
this
whole
thing
called
life

(Koran said that every human is a 'khalifah' - leaders in life)

i
lead
myself
to
nothing
.
reducing
myself
to the point
of
nothingness
...