4 days and counting...

it was a rainy day
5 pm and i was walking out from Scheltema. gaving up the search for Mother Theresa's biography. i went to 3 bookstores, the American Book Center, Atheneaum, Scheltema, none had that book. They had instead biographies on Mao, Marie Antoinette, Hillary Clinton, i guess it's not the season for Mother Theresa. (sorry, Mother)

not so long after that Citra called and asked me to come to the restaurant ASAP. coz they were not enough people that day. me boyfriend asked for a day off.

in 15 minutes i arrived at the restaurant. after i hung my coat, i checked my mobile n saw that there was 1 unread message.
so i read it.
it was from Mum
telling me that my grandma passed away
yes, she had been ill for 2 months already
and i wished i could see her before, before this happens
but in fact i wouldnt be able to see her
again

i felt
not really sad, because although how much i regret our distanced relationship, i could not help not feeling sorry.
i had this thought that myb i could mend our relationship when im there. but apparently God would not give me the chance for us to do so.
and i know feeling sorry does not help

even as i read Yasin last night
i was not sure whether i read it for her or for myself
i was not sure if reading yasin could help anyone who's business in the world is done
well okay, if im someone's holy, myb it helped. but i am not. i need the prayers as much as my grandma did.
but finally i read for both of us.
n i prayed strength for those who felt really sad (my dad, my auntie, my uncles, n others that really felt the loss).

on times like these me the ignorant human being felt how fragile we all are